the.Lady

joleen heng puay koon
joleenheng@hotmail.com

.Those Memories

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> March 2008
> June 2008
> July 2008
> August 2008
> October 2008

.Chit-Chat


Saturday, October 18, 2008

the good times ended in tears again

a week tt brot back the memories of the past
that's nice
lotsa of teasing, lotsa of laughter
lotsa of fun?

cnt help but cos of the painful past
heart ached loads

so glad tt u were ard at pump room dear:)
thanks for ur presence

i strongly believe it's a test that God is putting me through
this time round, im grateful for the week
it's God's plan for us to be on the job tgt
I am grateful to you, im grateful that you have found me
I will follow your teachings, your words and i believe that you have planned my life
and all these are the passing phase which i have to go through to prove that i am worthy of you

frankly, i dun hate you
you r you, you r nice
you will be my fran

glad tt im feeling this way this time rd
a lil pain pain along the way will not hurt me or destruct me

a new me and im wrking twds a better me:)

12:08 AM

Sunday, August 10, 2008

so silly

cant believe tt i can be so touched by the show tt tears just welled up n flowed

just so ridiculous

wad hj said is true...i may c wad i dun wanna c so no point gg

happy for u my fran! really happy for all my frans:) mb my sis soon?

living for the moments

last fri was fun..those lil talks...e game etc.. thanks ..thanks for speaking up n asked wad i prefer but really guilty for the rest had to go w my choice

'fated to love you' is nice..so close to heart..its bt this ger not being able to like whu she likes..shes just trying to enjoy wadever time she has with him as eventually they wun be tgt...is this the drama's ending? i doubt so as all drama serials will haf a fabulous ending..

oh well all these endings r fairy tales which will not occur in reality...

4:18 AM

Friday, August 1, 2008

'happiness for no reason' tactics kept appearing in my head
psychoing myself to believe, to practise
it's hard truthfully
tough to wanna achieve to achieve 'happiness for no reason'
internal struggle i mus say

used to wish tt times wun pass so fast n remain at the happier days/ moments
now, starting to fear the presence of those moments
dun wanna recall
dun wanna tink
dun wanna remember
trying hard to not let those surface
yah the key word ' is trying'

'take a weeks off to go bangkok n haf fun tgt;
join cf tgt;
if u were to go i wll go;
u r my only fran in kpmg'

haha..used to really believe these
now...yah still believe but not as much?
nice to hear this 'sugary' phrases
but protecting myself is a priority

aint sure how close u two were/ are the other time
mb a new target?
curious to wanna noe
no..i wun wanna noe cos the response will always be hurt

shuling n siewkoon ask me not to be a heartbreaker
'not to be a heartbreaker?'
then wad bt pple breaking a heartbreaker's heart?
haha..an irony..
no..all i wan is jus a fran..i mean frans to hang ard
'it's obvious tt he has other intentions' they say
i noe but wad can i do?
he's my fran n jus needa make it clear tt it can stay tt way for now

used to think it will be easy
used to think tt im strong
used to think tt i can survive all these..
used to think of a lot alot of things

since lost the power to defend myself
lost the energy to fight

cant be as happy as before, i noe
no matter how, applying the happiness techniques may help

i only wan to be happy

7:06 PM

Monday, July 21, 2008

all songs seem so close to heart

silly..

thanks for the msg

thanks for shwing u care

now..it's different

cos it's the same for everyone

tears wun stop

she's there

there to shw she cares

needn't be there

cos my existence aint necessary

till then, it may not hurt tt much

till then, u may not be tt impt

till then, we can be frans

till then, we may turn strangers

till then, i will be shown the way

the way to happiness, freedom, inner peace

6:37 AM

Friday, July 18, 2008

OT-ed for a while on wed..dun really need to
'ive gt sthg to tell you but i cant tell u now'
haha..exact wordsa which were told to you

'if you were to go, i will be damn sad'
really? you think so? r u sure..doubting
thanks for the msg anw

in the midst of recovery, there r bolts of short term happiness
moments of jealously
times of depression

when will it be over?

(closeness leads to sadness, happiness leads to sadness, jealousy leads to sadness...in the end, no matter what it is its still revolves ard the wrd: sad. )

its huijing's last day..will miss u babe! uve been there for me..always! im really glad tt im a fran like you!

7:47 AM

Sunday, July 13, 2008

3 weeks past, there's calmness

tues..dinner. thurs dinner

wed msged..thanks for the concern

y lk lil sad..dun ask..jus dun ask..cos u wun wanna noe the reason

ya chose to ignore or treat it as 'heard wrgly'

thanks for the responses

time will heal..ya with strength

eventually it will be fine

(mb mtg is a mistake..shortterm happiness is a given..experiencing is a gift or lesson? lesson learnt the painful way)

3:54 AM

peace
Monday, June 23, 2008

at ease?

i suppose i am..

tried...responses tell me tt it aint gg to work

moving on and leading a life, my life is wads gg to happen from now on

no matter how, no matter what things wun change

the world will not stop revolving even if i were to immerse myself in misery

y not live happily?

gonna go fo r eyelash perming..haha..hopefully will haf bambi-look/ the barbie look!haha

spending lotsa of bucks on facial, mani, pedi, now eye lash perming..clothes..shoes..bags ..if i were to scrimp on all these, i wld be a lil richer!haha

its okie!

focus on work, hafing fun with my dollies, pals

thanks so much for showing care and concern my frans! thanks!!i am a lucky ger after all:)

11:27 PM