when dreams come true..

2008-10-18T00:08:00.000-07:00

the good times ended in tears again

a week tt brot back the memories of the past
that's nice
lotsa of teasing, lotsa of laughter
lotsa of fun?

cnt help but cos of the painful past
heart ached loads

so glad tt u were ard at pump room dear:)
thanks for ur presence

i strongly believe it's a test that God is putting me through
this time round, im grateful for the week
it's God's plan for us to be on the job tgt
I am grateful to you, im grateful that you have found me
I will follow your teachings, your words and i believe that you have planned my life
and all these are the passing phase which i have to go through to prove that i am worthy of you

frankly, i dun hate you
you r you, you r nice
you will be my fran

glad tt im feeling this way this time rd
a lil pain pain along the way will not hurt me or destruct me

a new me and im wrking twds a better me:)

2008-08-10T04:18:00.000-07:00

so silly

cant believe tt i can be so touched by the show tt tears just welled up n flowed

just so ridiculous

wad hj said is true...i may c wad i dun wanna c so no point gg

happy for u my fran! really happy for all my frans:) mb my sis soon?

living for the moments

last fri was fun..those lil talks...e game etc.. thanks ..thanks for speaking up n asked wad i prefer but really guilty for the rest had to go w my choice

'fated to love you' is nice..so close to heart..its bt this ger not being able to like whu she likes..shes just trying to enjoy wadever time she has with him as eventually they wun be tgt...is this the drama's ending? i doubt so as all drama serials will haf a fabulous ending..

oh well all these endings r fairy tales which will not occur in reality...

2008-08-01T19:06:00.000-07:00

'happiness for no reason' tactics kept appearing in my head
psychoing myself to believe, to practise
it's hard truthfully
tough to wanna achieve to achieve 'happiness for no reason'
internal struggle i mus say

used to wish tt times wun pass so fast n remain at the happier days/ moments
now, starting to fear the presence of those moments
dun wanna recall
dun wanna tink
dun wanna remember
trying hard to not let those surface
yah the key word ' is trying'

'take a weeks off to go bangkok n haf fun tgt;
join cf tgt;
if u were to go i wll go;
u r my only fran in kpmg'

haha..used to really believe these
now...yah still believe but not as much?
nice to hear this 'sugary' phrases
but protecting myself is a priority

aint sure how close u two were/ are the other time
mb a new target?
curious to wanna noe
no..i wun wanna noe cos the response will always be hurt

shuling n siewkoon ask me not to be a heartbreaker
'not to be a heartbreaker?'
then wad bt pple breaking a heartbreaker's heart?
haha..an irony..
no..all i wan is jus a fran..i mean frans to hang ard
'it's obvious tt he has other intentions' they say
i noe but wad can i do?
he's my fran n jus needa make it clear tt it can stay tt way for now

used to think it will be easy
used to think tt im strong
used to think tt i can survive all these..
used to think of a lot alot of things

since lost the power to defend myself
lost the energy to fight

cant be as happy as before, i noe
no matter how, applying the happiness techniques may help

i only wan to be happy

2008-07-21T06:37:00.000-07:00

all songs seem so close to heart

silly..

thanks for the msg

thanks for shwing u care

now..it's different

cos it's the same for everyone

tears wun stop

she's there

there to shw she cares

needn't be there

cos my existence aint necessary

till then, it may not hurt tt much

till then, u may not be tt impt

till then, we can be frans

till then, we may turn strangers

till then, i will be shown the way

the way to happiness, freedom, inner peace

2008-07-18T07:47:00.000-07:00

OT-ed for a while on wed..dun really need to
'ive gt sthg to tell you but i cant tell u now'
haha..exact wordsa which were told to you

'if you were to go, i will be damn sad'
really? you think so? r u sure..doubting
thanks for the msg anw

in the midst of recovery, there r bolts of short term happiness
moments of jealously
times of depression

when will it be over?

(closeness leads to sadness, happiness leads to sadness, jealousy leads to sadness...in the end, no matter what it is its still revolves ard the wrd: sad. )

its huijing's last day..will miss u babe! uve been there for me..always! im really glad tt im a fran like you!

2008-07-13T03:54:00.000-07:00

3 weeks past, there's calmness

tues..dinner. thurs dinner

wed msged..thanks for the concern

y lk lil sad..dun ask..jus dun ask..cos u wun wanna noe the reason

ya chose to ignore or treat it as 'heard wrgly'

thanks for the responses

time will heal..ya with strength

eventually it will be fine

(mb mtg is a mistake..shortterm happiness is a given..experiencing is a gift or lesson? lesson learnt the painful way)

peace

2008-06-23T23:27:00.000-07:00

at ease?

i suppose i am..

tried...responses tell me tt it aint gg to work

moving on and leading a life, my life is wads gg to happen from now on

no matter how, no matter what things wun change

the world will not stop revolving even if i were to immerse myself in misery

y not live happily?

gonna go fo r eyelash perming..haha..hopefully will haf bambi-look/ the barbie look!haha

spending lotsa of bucks on facial, mani, pedi, now eye lash perming..clothes..shoes..bags ..if i were to scrimp on all these, i wld be a lil richer!haha

its okie!

focus on work, hafing fun with my dollies, pals

thanks so much for showing care and concern my frans! thanks!!i am a lucky ger after all:)

2008-03-24T14:48:00.000-07:00

为何只为你

当你离开我发现没了以后
那美丽的画面瞬间消失
对你的思恋已渐渐成了昨天
让时光再倒流
我们之间的爱情又能怎样

为何为你那么痛苦一个人孤独的付出
为何为你如此辛苦默默地痛哭
我一个人在这里祈福
但愿这并不是结束
我发现爱是场赌注

当你离开我发现没了以后
那美丽的画面瞬间消失
对你的思恋已渐渐成了昨天
让时间再倒流
我们之间的爱情又能怎样

为何为你那么痛苦一个人孤独的付出
为何为你如此辛苦默默地痛哭
我一个人在这里祈福
但愿这并不是结束
我发现爱是场赌注

为何为你那么痛苦一个人单单的付出
为何只为你如此辛苦静静的痛哭
难道这就是你给的答复
难道这是你的祝福
才知道已经没有退路
已经没了退路

2008-03-18T15:15:00.000-07:00

cant fathom wad it means

came so suddenly

emo? yah must be

it sounded sweet but issit meant to be?

sounded odd..

wads happening

'dont ever let u down'?

i dun understand

'thankful for you'?

wad does it mean?

wad do u wanna say?

2008-03-10T06:32:00.000-07:00

忘记

人还茫茫中遇见你
又再刹那间失去了你
相信是上帝的安排
上天的愚弄

为何为你那么伤
为何为你那么累
默默的守候
最后任是一场空

忘记你的好
让自己活得快乐点
忘掉你的妙
逼自己找回自我
虽知过程特别坚难
尤其坚辛
但只有忘记学会遗忘
才能真正得回自由

别说我自私别怨我冷酷
因这叫做自卫叫做保护
就让一切的一切在此画上句点

2008-02-29T05:13:00.000-08:00

first it was on 11/1/08

2nd it was 27/2/08

so unexpected..so last minute

feeling bad dat u foot the bill again n me din even take much

time flies during times of hangout

thanks for letting me noe bt it

thanks for clarifying them

guess its inevitable to feel comfortable w ur presence

even when its silence, its just so blessed

thanks for letting me noe dat there's a next time

till next time...till then..till..

taking everything easy, slow...

how slow can it take..how easy can me let go

wun noe

cant feel

dun wanna tink

happiness is hard to find?

ur words, qns, actions tell me otherwise..

r these wad u mean?

nvm...nvm...

gonna pamper myself more and more

target: newer prettier clothes, shoes, bags, skin...slimmer self...cleverer self...

a months time a months time

2008-02-17T04:11:00.000-08:00

that's an extract of a song which meimei introduced to me..its really nice after reading thru the lyrics.. listening to the melody..im gonna learn

ytd's recording wasnt good..disappointed, frustrated by my ignorance...yet now, i noe wad im in for...took me so long..but im thankful that i saw the light..a lil of light..im gg to hit all the notes..add in all the feelings and make sure tt the next recording will be good..doing justice to myself n of cos to prove tt i can do it!

gonna really learn and listen like shit!!yes!i have too

'he's lousy', 'forget bt him'

sighh..a good tok may help

frm bravery to cowardy

frm embracing to avoiding

frm cheerful to sorrowful

frm confident to the lack of it

frm visible to disappearing

frm everything to nothing

how to treat myself better?
how to be distracted?

sleeping is good
working is good
overworking is good
exercising is good
singing is good

maybe death is good..mb?

2008-02-17T03:51:00.000-08:00

那一天手心裡的愛我放不開

等一個人多麼孤單我一分鐘又一分鐘在忍耐

握緊了手心裡的愛我勇敢了起來

當我祈禱的時候天使都不在

當我痛苦的時候也只好習慣

當你回來的時候我一定要跟你說別再別再走開

2008-02-06T06:54:00.000-08:00

thanks for the prezs

nice tote, nice thought

so its the end?

seriously hope not..

coming to terms?maybe

may all these cease n halt n no more nonsense

laoshis nice.. gtta understd him a lil betta..quite a nice person

when april comes, it will end..

till den even my sole happiness will be taken away

till den its really gg to be lonely

till den i cnt imagine hw life's gonna be

till den i may not be able to survive

till den...

till den...

2008-02-01T07:57:00.000-08:00

its a nice feeling today

back in office for the afternn..though its a short while..but its nice..thanks..

fears gripping me..its scary cos of the people..the tongues..yah now i understand his initial stress

commented tt they r nice..good to c tt they r worn and the reactions just made my day:)

thanks for the emails..

thanks for the thot too

shall c how on mon..

thank you my fran

2008-01-19T08:00:00.000-08:00

its been a week..finally gonna be back

oh no..nv felt this way before..

cant believe it at all

not the usual self anymore

happy, sweet, looking fwd to the next meeting, the company

everything seems so perfect, seems so blissful

im treasuring alot alot..thanks alot

suddenly feel tt im so missing ya

sunk this far and ya too deep, so entrenched

2008-01-15T13:57:00.000-08:00

was toking to gor online..a short chat

told him bt it..he tink so too..

oh well, maybe it really is

cant wait for next week to come

by then, my part will be more or less done

by then, i will feel more relaxed

by then, weekends will seem less packed

by then, i will get to meet yanshan

by then, i will get to noe wads that

by then, i will noe how to live life

by then, i will be happier

2008-01-11T16:59:00.000-08:00

a long session to chill tgt..thanks..yah its been a long time..quite surprised tt u initiated it this time rd..looking fwd to ytd but as the days passed apprehension set in..
in the end, decided to go with an open mind and its been a long time since weve last dined and chilled out.
tired cos of the late nights for the past few days..same for him..but he din show his exhaustion:)
as usual ive to decide where to go..its like the nth time tt we r eating at jap restaurants..haha..cos most of the time i will choose jap..apart from tt its chinese and mb once western?haha..so esplanade's ichiban boshi was the destination..queued for a while and yah dinner was fine..toked alot.laughed alot..it seemed like we had gone back to those days..thanks for treating again..and u promised to be treated the next time round!:)
was still quite early so headed to the merlion park..toked alot alot..the scenery the surrounding the breeze..everything seemed so perfect to relax chill share stories etc..wun for get that moment..by the time we decided to go off it was alr 0015..oh my..so dropped him off at clarke quay to meet his khakis before cabbing home
it's nice noeing tt u like them and u wore them..u r proud of them:) hpmm..but u nv tell me wad ya bot..so silly of u..haha..okie i shall wait for the box..haha..we noe we miss those days..no matter its diff alr..thanks for letting me noe.din realli noe how to ans when u asked but ya it was the truth when i told u so..do miss n its diff
told u bfore tt it was a mth of happiness, fairytale and everything wld end after tt..yah..
well, thanks for everything..thanks for adding on another day to my story, my life..how long will this last? who noes but i did treasure the time ytd
yes, i will go timbre with u

2008-01-01T02:31:00.000-08:00

feeling lazy nowadays to blog

since todays the 1st day of 2008, i tink i should spend some time updating

was on leave frm 22nd till now!urghh..good times seem to zoom past like no ones bix n im like so occupied with mtg frans and spending 5 days in Hongkong tt i tink i din even haf the time to slack like last time when i was in school..oh well.. working life is really different..

Hongkong trip was fulfilling...went sightseeing..many many places..ocean park, victoria peak, da li san, macau...shopped at lady's st. temple street causeway bay...so many so many places...cool and took the transport including ferry! really a nice and not so slack trip..:) okie wanna admit tt me wasnt helpful at all in navigation..hmm...by the time i understand and decide the directions, zhiyu, zhuohao and guoqing were alr on the way so im like just useless:( bleah...

thanks zhiyu!thanks for not deserting me..its a good trip..to relax and enjoy the companionship..so love toking to you babe..thanks for listening to me..thanks for being here for me always..longwinded me..but i nid an outlet..thanks ger! thanks for ur advices thanks for everything..thanks for being so understanding and helping me analyse and suggesting wad i shld n shldnt do..nv nv broke down in front of frans..but i noe u were here for me..thanks ger!

wanna thank huishan and daph as well..my soulmates..thanks for listening..great noeing u gers..thanks thanks!2008 is gonna be a good year ahead and cheers to our franships!:)

not forgetting my tk pals-yanshan, ting and charmx...dunno y but sometimes do feel like weve distant..mb im jus tinking too much..
my beloved CT frans! gg into the 6th yr of franships!cool! cant wait for our scholarly trios to be back soon!cheers!

my colleagues..so fun hanging ard u peeps!esp the gers..the yr ended well with the company of my teammates..thanks!
huijing my good fran good colleague..wanna thank god tt uve appeared in my life!tink i wldnt survive at work without u babe!thanks alot for ur encouragements and thanks for being there for me..hope tt i can be there whe u r in need too babe!YES!trust me im here!!:)

glad to see ur smiles, glad to noe tt u like it..
thanks for the thought, the effort..so silly of u to even think of it
thanks for the call today..
how long will this last?
wouldnt noe..
but wads known is tt theres no turning back
yah cant turn back

2007-12-23T01:06:00.000-08:00

din noe that this is already the 52th entry since ive changed my blog address..
oops!sorry babes for not telling you all this 'new' link..opps!
really touched that u gers and guys are reading..haha..avid fans?haha..

x'mas is here again
nothing really fantastic this year as usual
really forgot i usually spend xmas eves with my CT pals..really really..for a whike i thot i will be at home..
a lil different this year cos i will be KTv-in with my colleagues frm 2 to 7 at teoheng den me shall meet lin n von for our unique xmas dinner at whampoa market..haha..sds different but oh well guess we were all tired of eating western and restaurant style..good suggestion..hmm..quite a waste tt me cant join for the after dinner activity cos gtta get home and spend time and get enuff sleep to prep for my hongkong trip..haha..after the trip, me n fellow colleagues will be surviving on grass!haha

things are fine i think..not much
felt good seeing the smile
wanted to msg at the end of the day, in the end thot he looked bored from work so decided to use the most primitive costless method to pass the msg
glad tt u liked it..so silly to want to get more of them..make me wanna laugh only

thanks for the thot my fran, so sweer:)
busy period busy project and i can understand..ive other appointment oso..
so its alright

wondering how the last few days of the year will be like other than the much awaited hk trip:)

not harbouring high hopes cos as usual they will come true..
satisfied with what i have and shant ask for more

2007-12-07T16:39:00.000-08:00

feeling good for the past few days

mus admit dat its cos of the presence..felt as if its back to a couple of mths ago..esp for the past 2 days

so sweet:)
wanted to have lunch tgt to catch up.its been a long time since we last hang out..in the end?plan failed..haha
so funny cos 2 interns tagged along..haha..
went uncle sam though me aint keen as usual..thanks for sharing so thotful:)

for the past 2 weeks we haven been eating proper meals and teabreak is always yogurt frm sandwich shop..haha damn ex. a cup for 3.5 but its nice..so dat day went to get as usual.cun decide if i wan the strawberry or the museli apple..in the end he bought both and i got to try the strawberry and take my usual mueli apple. guess guys dun realli like yogurt afterall but he said its not bad..haha

going hongkong oso?going hongkong so often
was telling the interns dat when we r back frm hols they will be gone..so told them tt im gg hk for hols..n he said the same thing as well.hmm..awkward cos where got so coincidental
mb im thinking too much.hasnt booked his leave etc.
but i noe ive zhiyu to go with me so its gg to be fun too!

great chatting over the phone ytd..din expect it..:)

met zk for lunch on tues..got treated to din tai fung..thanks goR! as usual a small eater..oh my we din even finish dan chao fan! poor boy glad tt u r feeling better now
the meetup was nice..comfortable..seemed like hes an old old fran..guess this is it..jus a good fran whom i haven met up..gor is still gor..im happy for him yet concern tt hes overworked, his health..not a person whus good at taking care of himself..
its a great feeling to have put everything behind and move on and be good frans.jus wan u to be happy:)

encountering weird pple again..this time rd its quite hard to escape cos they r like so near me
:( either from another department or another unit whos sharing the same office space as me..oh no..be it friendster or internal mail..gosh..but im not caring..i mean can just be frans/colleagues..its scary..dun wanna gif pple the wrg idea so shall stay clear

be it happy/weird moments just feel like letting him noe..haha

not gg to think so much..gonna let nature tk its course..thats wads mei said..n its true..
enjoying my weekend ktv-in hafing my first G2's xmas dinner, shopping ltr and tmr exercise and ktv w yongjie and yah prep for a gruelling week ahead and after tt its 4 days to hols!!haha..so fun!!!:) seems like school hols cming

and and!!this cming weekend will be my nephews bdae!and next next sat will be our family's xmas gathering!!nice nice!looking fwd..

thanking god for letting me be happy

dunno wad im in for but aint looking far just enjoying and treasuring the moments

i noe its not a rebound cos in the fisrt place me dun intend to hurt anione etc..im sorry peeps
dun wanna play ard for the fear of gifing the wrg idea..dun wanna be a bitch..but enlarging social network is not wrong oso
:)

2007-12-02T04:50:00.000-08:00

its a great weekend:)

meetup with shans after so so long!it felt realli good slacking at coffeebean...sharing stories..keeping ourselves updated on the happenings..just gt so so much to share tt we jus simply sat for 3 hrs!haha..till my butt was like OUCH!

quite satisfied cos we had a detoxifying session:) considering tt i swam so much in the day..haha

today? even betta!completed stanchart's women 10km with 4 other colleagues..ran till the 4 km mark with shuling but went ahead after she said so.. so yeah!!!finished the race in ard 60mns!!yeah!! its an achievement!confirmed!so happy

jus came back frm a meetup with Zhiyu!yes!my good fran frm TK jus like yanshan:)
thanks alot babe!hope u liked the lunch treat at breeks n oso thanks alot for the macaroons!now i truly understd y u like em so much..haha
u were seriously veri nice!thanks for listening to me, analysing and suggesting the steps which i should do:) thanks babae! guess its cos u haf the experiences dats y u understand :) i really appreciate them!! n its great to haf ur company!!haha yeah!n weve gt our nice stuff frm la senza!yeah!so pretty!:) haha

looking fwd to tmr..but dun really noe wad to expect or wad not to..hope things will be fun:)
keeping it simple is a bonus..
though everyones nice, aint exactly happy bt it..apprehension, fear...yah i suppose..
if dats wad u really tink n say so..i will jus take it as it is

2007-11-29T06:35:00.000-08:00

passive?yes i tink u r really passive..

said dat im dao?haha..jus din wan to initiate..
so aint initiating today and ya jus simply let it be?oh well thanks then

nice chatting though

been online for past few days..y?tired i noe but chose to come online
hes always there always msned...but yah its jus gonna stay as it is:)

so excited today!tried on a pretty black dress..me jl n sl went shopping during our lunch break!haha! our 2nd day into our dieting cum detoxing plan...tmrs day 3!yeah

oh no!shld i gt the dress?darn pretty..haha gys so funny..wanna sponsor me?thanks but no thanks..haha..oh no!!:(

guess its you yuan wu fen

anw the cming weekends will be packed with activties...mtg with frans celeb xmas..shopping etc etc...so nice! n 3 more weeks to hols!!cool!11 days of 12 days of leave!!!

tmr's fri!

im wondering hw it will be like next week...hope tt there will be any awkwardness:)

2007-11-25T05:25:00.000-08:00

went out alone ytd
tough luck trying to exchange for a bigger size for the stndchart's singlet..boo:(
wanted to go out for a breather

parked myself at one of my fav cafes- my companion.. place where i can find tranquility, comfort, peace..place where i can seek inner peace, place where i spent endless days mugging for papers in uni...be it coffee bean, starbucks, gloria jeans.. i love them!

brought work out to do though guess me aint suppose to..but whu cares..wanted to order the cakes but its gonna be darn sinful so endless up w a shepherd's pie and a very very vanilla..aint exactly satisfied so had my fav, cinnamon suger pretzel frm auntie annes..hmmm..yum yum..tink its cos of the morn swim tt caused me to b hungry..wad a coincidence, saw matt n jane..haha..funny to c matt in berms..

gtta agree tt shpping alone can be fun..at least theres no nid to accomodate..went into almost every shop in suntec, marina shop raffles city..time seemed to crawl past..simply dun wish to get home early..simply feel like hanging ard

bot a nice collared formal but lil casual top at 20% off, a tube top and a pair of low heels..wanted to buy more but no lahs..more shopping to come

it's awkward..tink its cos of wads happening..totally uncalled for when he said so and when she told us wad was discussed..bestest..no wonder so weird..its okie

cant wait for my frans. my sis to complete their exams..at least ive gt frans to keep me company..to keep me occupied

no point harping on the unhappies

xmas' coming
the initial excitement etc. is gone..
jus gonna forget bt spending on those
save up for hk:)

lessons starting n me mus perform
channeling all energy on wad ive gt and wad im suppose to do
no point wasting time on the unnecessary

i shall be happy
i wanna see my usual bubbly cheerful pretty self
wanna see the confident carefree smiley me
wanna see the active extroverted energetic joleen

i believe i can i can and i will see the light real real real soon:)

2007-11-22T06:14:00.000-08:00

thanks babe..thanks for telling me it's ok
thanks for letting me noe its alright and suggesting ways for me to overcome the potential prob.
'rebound', 'substitute'? haha
i dunno

u seem happier, new love, own up..dats wad u said..
walking off may seem happier
escaping as usual seems like a gd choice
gg hk at the end of the year? so many times ahs?

mb its really a rebound, a revenge on myself?

looks betta?mb?
feeling betta?mb?

gtta treat myself betta for its useless to be sorrowful
the other party wun noe..
the other party wun care
the other party doesnt bother

time heals the wound, the soul, the heart
learning to let go is the only way
till den it will always be a burden

hais

2007-11-18T04:23:00.000-08:00

filled with apprehension..
wanna thank laoshi..wanna thank tinybox
yes will definitely train even harder and not let go of this opportunity,,
though may not be the best, i mus improve, show tt its worth all this
progressing to advance is a dream
dream may eventually not come true but i will work hard
thanks for gifing me this chance kenn laoshi

ytd was a great day..wasnt real keen on gg but glad i went
a gathering a rare opportunity 4 all music lovers
thanks laoshi for organising it!
jon laoshi was there..surprised to c him!haha..yeah n hes gg to be working in tinybox...so tt means i will get to c him more often
yeah!new eye candy..oh no!
mb its good in a way..makes me wanna forget
no i wun forget..but hes my fran
so nice so nice..took pictures with desiree..the upcoming hot babe frm msia..yeah..priceless pic..so sad may not be able to c her this often in school when her album is released next yr:(

looking ard for gift
asking ard for idea
'for a special fran hor' he said
yah for a special fran:)
a special fran whom i treasure a lot
treasuring so much tt its worth searching high n low
worth spending
worth everything
worth the time spent
so long as its gonna b a great gift
a great gift jus to make someone happy

xmas is coming tt means its gonna be the much awaited HK trip!:)

2007-11-14T06:10:00.000-08:00

dun wanna think bt it
thot kills
so lonely in e big mtg rm for these 2 days till jen n matt came
din wanna even tok ytd
today?more efficient
retracting whenever it wonders
a killer
its necessary
thanks zy!thanks for the msg
so glad to receive it
if u were beside me i wld haf requested for a good good hug
if any of u were ard..ys hs
but none
it's ok
realli gg to b ok
shld haf been nominated for best actress award

matts good w ideas..thanks dude!
makes alot of sense
asian guys cant be compared to westerners?mb
sorry guys but its true
so sweet..
oh well its the exposure, the life, the environment

he's joining our team
though quiet on the surface, hes fun to tok to
hopefully ur presence will lift the mood a little
let the mind rest?
doubt it will work

hate being alone for now
mind gtta b occupied

2 days online, 2 days of chat
emphathise tt u r still in office

it shldnt haf started if its this ending
but there will always be an end to a start
promises r meant to be kept not broken
once broken, there will nv b trust

as much as it yearns to stop this nonsense
the rope seems to be nv ending
disillusioned

2007-11-13T06:42:00.000-08:00

unbelievable..it's jus crap
wanted to confide in mum..the thot of telling her hw im feeling these days made me ached..
on train..luckily i had those papers ready..lucky tt i was at the connector area..luckily it aint crowded..
flowed like no one's biz..4th time?jus dun wanna keep track for it only makes me feel weak
yah weak's the word
call to catch up?thanks for the thot but missed the call..its fated..i rather not mb..
thanks for the call just now
much psycho-ing needed to let go mb..much much more
dun understd wad it means by whu saes i aint gg..no longer wish to read too much for disappointment shall follow
no longer trusting pple..no longer trusting the peeps of another specie..no matter wat u say its gonna be taken as a oinch of salt..can i do it?yah i haf to..i mus..
guess it will really feel alot better if u were to be doted on..to be loved den to love
mum said this before when we were younger..its true..
she will be depressed n dosappointed tt her advice was not heeded..not once but twice
yah...so a silly retarded child she has..ashamed to face her to tell her
thanks for talking to me online fran..thanks for trying to cheer me up with ur lighthearted content..cos u dunno wads happening..at least deres a vent? wun tk u as a subst. wun be fair..no more nonsense
noe not how long it will take again
noe not how long it will last
noe not how long i can take it
noe not how long i can forget
noe not how long it wun pain anymore
noe not how long it wun ache
noe not how long it wun hurt

if only i can break for a long long period..away frm everything..away frm pple..

searching for the peace within me
may the force be with me
ya..i nid to be happy..to move on
happy

2007-11-10T19:15:00.000-08:00

fast...good times always pass by so so fast!tmr gtta work again..n the next long break will be frm the 25th to 1st JAN!!haha cant wait!oh gosh! 2008's cming:(

wad have i achieved in life thus far?

academic?yah proud to say tt i had completed and am satisfied with it...though not splendid results but at least with it ive gt a decent job:)

friendship?many many good frans along the way...to keep my life gg...frans like yanshan, zhiyu, yiting(seems like weve drifted apart), daphne, yvonne, weilin, and huishan!so so glad and wanna thank god for being do kind to me...uni is a time where u tend to be lonely..tend not to have good frans..jus accomplices.however, ive gt a very dear fran-huishan to accompany me through..thanks ger!thanks realli!

kinship? a little upset tt me n mei are not tt close anymore..sometimes gtta read her blog to noe wads happening..sigh..no time to tok?everytime back home frm work jus feel like shutting up bathe and jus concuss..sigh...try to work on this..it jus feels detached:(

relationship? hurt a lot and gt hurt? so wad does this mean? haha..just let it be...was toking to daph bt it tt day..thanks ger..yah ive gtta life better..live well to show tt i can do without...treat and love myself better to shw tt its his lost..haha..ger ah..so funny wad kinda of consolations are these?haha..hmm..thanks anw..i will be strong:)
looking at other pal, not passive, open bt it etc..yah.. tt's the way..tink when someones really into it, its this way else words like ' afraid', 'trouble' , 'gossips', 'rumours' will surface..yah i noe

glad tt the much concerned test was over ytd:) haha..keith laoshi remembered my name and kenn laoshi was surprised..jus tink tt the former has a certain aura..the bad boy kind of guys..too bad they r smokers..haha.thanks for the cmments laoshi..good tt it was soothing to the ears for the slow one and i will work on the feel so tt everything will be more natural..will work on the vocals as well..visually appealing?haha..okie..interesting..no one has given me this kinda of comments!graduation is not saturday and weve gtta perform a medley..yah i like to perform...
i like the stage, like the attention..okie...attract attention?haha..not really but i jus so love it..jus gonna enjoy myself tt day..will be quite sad will feel tt somethings missing when the course ends..and yah as ive always mentioned...good things will come to an end..yah END!

really an enjoyable time ytd night..glad tt i went for the RS2-G2 gathering..yah wad hj said is true..enjoy the company...yah impt to haf a good bunch of colleagues wrking and hanging out tgt..went to pasta waraku...not tt nice:P had dessert at menotti after dat...quite nice..good time..laughing and 'twirling hair'..so BIMBO!!haha..so funny..thanks babes! hope to haf more of these to come!!:) guess when guys are not ard..its always easy to click and chat..no nid to bother if they are gg to be left out or sthg..yah:)

suddenly hafing the urge to shop for lingerie!haha..oh my!i wanna go LA SENZA!!!50% discount!urgghhh...sheesh...okok!!!payday payday payday...but i mus save for HK trip..wanna go espirit to get a working bag...mb gt a working watch as well:) okie clothes?not really needed..gt so many alr..so its gg to be more of a sightseeing trip:) shant eat alot as usual..jus a bit will do...not a foodie anw so wun miss out a lot..

shopping with huishan was great!haha..we simply went into every departmental store, shop etc..haha..nice $20 buy! pretty top!yeah!shall go there tgt next time since weve gt 15% discount!:) heh!hopefully weve saved enuff to go travel tgt next yr!!shall aim to go japan and australia after hk...
was looking at braun buffel wallet tt day...me n hs were trying to spot a nice one..renoma..tink its jus mid class..though its quite ex alr..but for wrking class, braun will be good..status? yah i mus agree..hs has the same sentiments too..jus feel like getting one braun..tink its gonna be the highest amt i will pay for a gift for someone..dunno y but jus feel like getting cos...haha..wadever..shall wait till xmas sale?hmm..so its gonna be more shopping to check out the prices..hopefully can gt hs to go tgt to gof me comments!n mb we can both gt 2 brauns!

at ease..in peace..just tired mb..coming to terms and its good..its good and it will become better..over soon joleen..its gonna be okie..really ok

2007-11-08T06:04:00.000-08:00

guess in times like this the only antidote will be the idol..wu chun is simply a fairy tale..so suave, so charming, so gentlemanly..hes jus the perfect prince..yah its far fetch, its day dreaming, its impossible..romantic princess is nice, straight fwd, like means like
angelas frank with herself..her emotions.. but chun aint at first..he admitted tt he liked her later..so sweet..so so sweet:)
gtta immerse in shws..esp. those with good lookers like chun..being a princess aint easy the pressure the expectation etc..wun mind if i gt to be with the perfect guy..wun mind gifing up if hes the one..tink its a weakness..gifing all n delving in..no no..no wonder it hurts its painful
3rd day w/o...it's ok..it will be ok..its alright..its gonna be over..its gonna b gone..soon i guess
gtta live better like wad daph said, gtta move on, gtta brace up..
i can be happy?thanks my frans..
tmr is gonna be good..mtg hs n yes!great will wanna spend time tgt shop walkard..at least mes occupied
aint gonna be easy but gtta try
xmas is cming...as a fran it will still be a gift..yah a gift

2007-11-06T06:01:00.000-08:00

dun wanna tink if im correct..dun wish to be told if ive done wrong
it's easy to be said than done
aint easy to do wad im doing
how long can i last?
having a strg believe tt it can be done..sure it can
definitely hurts,pains, aches..wadever..simply tired
it's clear, i noe..
dun wanna deny,dun wanna probe
guess 3 weeks mb enuff..
muted..simply dun wanna be seen..black has become my best fran
it's good..able to look slimmer..or thinner..yes wanna be thinner..so much so tt i can jus disappear without anyone's knowledge
dread to talk..barely speak much when home..nag..jus let it be..cant be bothered to rebute..anyway no use..
last day of work for the week..looking fwd..
activities planned by our beloved so sweet colleagues..but gt my plans..plans?haha..if slacking at home is counted as one..yah...escaping from reality?i guess so
expressed thru songs?or issit simply jus a means to vent it out?
mb its stress, lack of sleep..wadever..
darius said tt i can be happy too..yah thanks dude!i will remember..
yet happiness doesnt come by easily..yah at least for me..
taking in deep deep breaths whenever it seems like the wrlds gonna collapse on me..
nid a float..mines deflating..needing a pump to help stay afloat..
xmas' cming..aint happy..not even excited
if only it din start..there wun haf an end..cos the ending is always this miserable
i noe i can be happy

2007-11-03T00:55:00.000-07:00

sky's cleared? i guess it is
was on course for the first 3 days of the week..interesting but mind-boggling:( not helping dat last weekend was jus making trips to n back frm the hospital...mood seemed lifted a little with dads condition improving and god blessed!hes finally discharged and back home:)
wed came and went..started bad n i knew it wasnt a day for me yet had to drag myself out of the hse..totally jus cun tk it after the msg..jus a simple short one and the impact was jus immense..lost.n in my world..wadever u text next aint impt..apologising wun help cos it aint ur fault at all..problem lies here
thanks hj!thanks for being w me and trying to talk sense into me..thanks ger!
a super long reply to and fro..
hope it really meant wad it said..:)
quite awkward ytd..really i mus sae..but shld be fine soon cos its not the first time
thanks shan i so love to talk to u!great to hear ur voice...sorry tt me was alr home so din manage to meet up:( but its nice for u to listen and to tell me ur side of things..yar 'y make it so complicated when things can be so simple!' im gg to remember this!
went to swim this morn...good great swim!thot thru and yes...simplicity is bliss..so its gonna be simple from now on:)
sky's cleared..better than expected!im happy and im looking fwd to the normal days and im proud to say tt im back!
simplicity is bliss and things aint so complicated when u dun wan them to be!

2007-10-26T08:09:00.000-07:00

din really wanna blog this..thot for a long while..typed a long long msg n sent to my dearest fran!thanks ger...it may mean nothing to u my dear fran but at least i noe u read it..u r busy mugging n doing projs but i noe u had read them..ive gtta thank u for that my fran..i miss u shan!i so so miss u i hope u r here with me n i can jus break down n be myself dear ger..so miss u and hope u can gif me a big big hug..i so wish u were with me:) thanks for u msg jus now..im appreciative for that..
yah im a fool..mb shld jus take it easy n jus b a player..one of colleagues said to jus enjoy n gif urself 6 mths..after dat? not compatible?break lor..!y tk it so hard?y tk it so seriously? lifes short..jus enjoy the moments..in this case i wld had been on par with him
it's a disgusting feeling..disappointed with mself..guess its uncontrollable..mb it shldnt have started..y those golden moment n now its hellish..3 yrs ago and 3 yrs ltr..how many 3 yrs do i haf..how i wish i know not how to feel...know not how to sense..can i jus be emotionless..i hate the current feeling
how i wish i can jus throw tt phone away n not bother w everything..can i go into isolation?i wan to but i cant..
i dun like this..was aware of the result but i went ahead..serves me right..shld jus go for opearation..operate on the heart so i will be heartless..next?remove the tear glands so i know not how to tear..2nd time to be tt moved?no wonder..but its the 3rd one..first?not worth them..2nd? just being silly...3rd? tink its worth but not so..conclusion? silly, stupid, an idiot!
cant cfm it aint gg to happen again..cant cfm tt it will be well..cant cfm if i cld let go..
choosing to tk it easy..tk it in my own stride..im strger than tt..i believe..
mood aint good at all..depression sadness..gloomy days...ahead?dunno...dependent on meself..able to choose to be happy..to sink in etc..im hacking? cant be bothered to think?know not wad i want..
threw myself bk into the hole n i hope partner is with me now..scold me chide me...jus kill me for being a fool..
mb wad matt said is true..jus go w the flow..play ard..enjoy the companionship..doesnt work out..dats it...6 mths?off u go!
cant believe im pondering on this idea..of cos ive frans whu r lidis..
guess i wun be a good player or mb i shld start being one to get the ball rolling..haha
when u were hurt deep down..u jus wldnt wanna care so much bt others..this is simply call:'revenge'

2007-10-19T18:34:00.000-07:00

this week passed..not as bad exccept for work wise..dun like to clear review points...dun like to be stuck in office past 6.30..dun like this terrible feeling ..dat was wed...part of the job..i noe but i just cant stand it...wad made it went well was the companionship..thanks jen n u for staying back though i noe u peeps din haf to..thanks alot realli..
guess its cos of being used to the presence tt gravitates me back to the office though i dun haf to..jus thot it wun feel good to work ot alone n i dun mind
i noe im a gonner but seems like theres no way to turn back..i dunno
how long will this last..guess not long..this will go off one day n i noe..n i noe it will be a deeper cut deep down tonnes worse than yrs ago..that will happen n i noe..till den i shall turn to my pillow and water the hurt onto it and its gonna be wetter than ever
when it comes to this, its no longer me no longer the confident person whom i used to noe

2007-10-10T15:42:00.000-07:00

choosing to let it be and enjoy the last 2 days of companionship
cant believe that dinner time always passes so fast...its like zooming off in seconds...the comfort, the conversations..so amusing
its so coincidental...so so coincidental in everything..same alarm ringtone, same preferences etc..oh my..
thanks for the memories which were imprinted..this month passed like no ones bix...fast yet i mus sae tt they were happy days..thot of not wrking and slack at home nv occurred..jus feel motivated to head to office daily..thanks thanks

all's coming to an end and i will miss it..thanks for allowing me to noe tt u are thinking likewise..will nv forget the dinners the lunches, the talks etc..these wun stay but franship do stay

choosing to believe is my choice..din wanna mention his name but at least u noe..cant exactly tell the differences buti noe u r different..thanks alot

i must say this month is the happiest i have lived for the past 3 years...treasuring them and holding them tightly in my mind..i thank u for these and i seriously do

cheerup!cos its gg to be a great 2 days ahead! a good and great 2 days:)

2007-10-08T09:03:00.000-07:00

4 more days to the end of the project..usually i wld haf yearn for it to end so i can move on n start afresh on another job...but this time round i dun..tink sthg will b lacking if this job were to end..mus admit dat its the company..the previous senior in charge of it left for good..less fun i guess

i will miss the relax atmosphere, the conversations etc etc..i will definitely miss my fran..the companion whom i do OT with even on suns..yah..sighh..i noe dat good things have to and will come to an end..i noe it will but im refusing to be convinced by it..yes im denying

mei noes me the best...shes the nicest sis on earth!though we always bicker, she makes a lot of sense and u will definitely be enlightened by her thots and ideas..much much mature than i..thanks mei for noeing wad im tinking without me hafing to articulate them..shes right, she noes y i cant bear to leave this project...

time seems to pass fast when u haf great company..cant stop the time so gtta enjoy these moments..nows 1215am so that makes it less than 4 days..

we are all aries, outgoing, crappy, hyper, emo, sentimental...same thoughts, frequency etc...haha..its just so miraculous...

they are jus so alike..tried pointing out the differences to him but cant really pinpoint what so managed a 'u r better' in wad sense? i dun noe cos its a feeling which i get..a reat fran a great pal..i dunno..

hating myself for allowing me to be back to then,,i cant stop but to move on and go fwd..cant believe tt those droplets emerged again..cant ctrl..simply hate myself for being like this..so embarrassing to be cleaning their trails while on the way to wrk..oh man..im doom..

this is karma?this is retribution..im jus afraid..but i noe im inching to doomsday again...jus managed a calm n peaceful life and im being made to go thru this emo stage of my life again

cant breathe properly..im suffocating and im really really lost...feel like keeping a dist. but i cant bear to..this mus be y my hurt is deepening and the glands are active yet again

i dun like whu i am n i noe i cant, i dun deserve, it's gonna be painful, gonna b like hell,,,gonna be so so depressing tt i cant function jus like then

i noe those mentioned will occur but i cant stop them ..my god..jus let it be and i shall just face the consequences alone..yes facing them all alone again

2007-10-05T17:28:00.000-07:00

i'm wrong. i'm wrong to have been persuaded to go..sorry shan, i shld haf met up with u ytd..
a night when i saw the true colours of pple, a night when embarrassment set in..sheesh, where can i hide my face?
frans?they wun face alcohol down u..not their fault...it's mine?whu ask me not to refuse..but how to when u haf 3 or four pple holding u down not letting u off unless u r drowned with the shots..so mani shots..was crazy..
lucky to haf jen..thanks jen for taking good care of me ytd, thanks for not leaving me alone and gt carried away by the bouncer..oh man, how embarrassing..gd thing din puke...he got drunk too..oh my..
i hate it when they forced me to, doesnt mean tt they gt drunk and fall flat last year we haf to be likewise..oh well this is wad 'seniors' always say..den when u get drunk dey jus leave u to hell..this is their true colour..i noe and im detesting n i despise them

i hate this job, i hate hafing to entertain..pple are so superficial..hate the working hours...but the company on my current n previous projs are good..hating the work nature..hating the feeling dat my life is under control by someone...hate to step into the office facing the managers..im hating it..

din wanna upset mum..i really din wan to..im sorry tt i din listen to u and went ahead ytd..yah i noe im wrg to haf even gone and worse persuaded to drink..mei's right in chiding me...thanks mei, im a bad sister, im not setting a good example, i stink i stink a whole damn lot..im not a good sister..sighh..

mind's set..gifing myself a month to go..hopefully a place where i can enjoy myself, end work earlier, no entertainment req, more time for family..

i noe im not a bad person..so i cant degrade myself like this..i mus change..im not an alcoholic..i'm not n i hate this feeling

2007-09-29T02:34:00.000-07:00

dun actually noe how to describe..its nice but tink it aint gg to last for long
pessimistic?yes i am..esp. ytd.
it's fun on wed..guess things will go well with the right company right food right actvity..time flies and good things wun last for long..i treasure those hours and im thankful for them:)
allowing myself to fall in noeing i cant..it's a fantasy n i noe..the help the thoughts..things seem to better?
din exactly feel like gg down but went in the end..just the 5 of us at boat quay..luckily aint dere early else wld be intoxicated with much more alcohol:( in all they drowned 8 jugs of beer!me? 3 cups of beer cos of being so unfortunate to haf lost in 3 rds of poker games and my fav.- 2 vodka orange:) so afterdat? exhaustion n dehydration and headache..urghh..sorethroat so gonna gif my lesson a miss ltr:( diarrhoea as well..bleah..thanks for sending me home:)
leaving to the almighty to decide..jus gonna take it as it comes..no point harping on anything n hoping for anything..its easy to say but not easy to be done but i will try
inferiority may be one, disappointment another..friendship the third..at this instance, its best to follow the flow..let things be and enjoy the moment/s if there is/are
this may end and the time may stop..when the clock strikes 12 and all the beautiful things come to an end, everything will return to wad its like..fantasy will end, dream will end and wad surfaces will be a heart meant to be mend
aware of the outcome yet choosing to move ahead..an idiot?ya i guess that's the best adjective i can find now

2007-09-25T07:12:00.000-07:00

they are so alike...so alike dat i cant take it..y? is this a trick on me? y issit dat when ive chosen to let go..to put em behind..they will be back to haunt me in someway?
hating the feeling and it aint bearable..
better?yah its definitely better...but y?
stay clear?i suppose i have to..its not a choice..its a rule
if not, when time pass, its gonna be doomed..
sinking in?no way..long period of hurt, struggle just cos of this n fall back
aint as strg as i thot..yah me aint
i wonder the outcome, the development
writing my story..my own own story..my life, my own own life

dun wish o break down..no i cant..cant wait to be at the beach now!near the sea or even esplanade is good..
when all is well something mus happen..when it happens i can only see myself dissolve..dissolve n become one whom i cant even recog

2007-09-22T08:30:00.000-07:00

this week past quite easily..cos im on a new job..thot jiali will be joining at least next week but since the senior incharge decided tt he can handle it so she wun be joinin us..hmmm, okie so dat means its only me and 3 more guys
as the only ger, there are pros and cons...cons: u can tease n tease and more teasng or shld i say suan!okie but pros? u get treated like a ger...yah or mb like a queen?haha..gotten thank the guys for entertaining me..hmm, this means tt ive gtten work properly for this job so wun be letting jem down..yah
gonna do wad ive gtta do tmr..yes n i shall c hows the results before i take my next step

went swimming this morn n decided tt ive to be frank n be brave...be trueful to myself on wad i really and my future..office?no..comp?no...so its quite obvious at least to myself..cant just let my life wander and my eyesight fail...so well, im lucky to haf flipped the classified..n yah..so shall go ahead..god bless:)

todays lessons quite slack:) laoshis quite encouraging...so i shall really work on it:) gtta jiayou..he noes our progress he said..n im believing:) next weekend is gonna be busy n fun cos of elaine's wedding reception on sat n dinner on sun..n yes!!can dress prettily!:) so its gg to be good!

retail therapy every mth! bot a new pair of wrking heels for work..a pair of cream coloured heels for pei but im gg to wear it after she has worn it..bot a long top cum dress for mei for the wedding dinner...so spent quite a bit:P oopps!

great dat tmrs sun n we r gg to jog again!yeah!target?1.5hrs non-stop for tmr!n yeah after dat me n zhiyu will be gg for ktv n after dat me shall go walk ard before heading for my facial tmr:) gonna relax...hmm..shall settle the app. n goal settng tmr night..

was bt to tell mei but i din, jus simply said tt im dead n mei actually guessed correctly..hit the jackpot..i dunnoe guess its jus the feeling..its weird..letting things be n hopefully this will pass fast..oh well, leaving to fate

2007-09-14T08:04:00.000-07:00

it's been quite some time since i last blogged..yah..din feel like it though ive very much to say..why?simply cos ive been staring too much at this machine..so sick of looking at the screen..yes..more than 8 hrs..simply detesting

resign?resigning to fate?resign to work?wad bt jus simply the work resign?how bt tender?hearing these 2 words too often.ya, not only pertains to this company this unit. guess when the economy is doing well and w the not so strg culture of the co. i shld say yes, pls go and find a better place..tink it aint fair to comment bt the co. since i haven been dere for long..cos there are peeps ard whu were and are still with the firm till now..so it depends..

'how do u find the job?u like it?' always realise tt my answers were jus 'ok lorhs, cant say hate or love' and ya till now ill always mention tt its cos im still new...sighh..i dun like to sighh..but i believe tt im doing it so often tt ive come to be aware of it..this is bad

mb it's depression..i dunno..i dunno ..mb it's in my nature to complain and complain..mb my understanding my standards for myself are too unrealistic...but im quite sure...mb not so certain afterall, tt i wun be surviving in this for long..wads next?bank?its the same lahs..computers also...i dun like.this is definitely the reason y i once chose to teach..oh well ive withdrawn frm the offer..blame it on whu? myself? yah myself is to be blamed..

sounding like i know wad i wan..or wad i dun wan..yes i mus admit im a hermit..always choosing the safer route..i noe i dun like numbers.. dun like accounting...dun like auditing..and then? i chose accountancy cos its a 'safe' course...so graduated with hons..so wad? m i gg to let myself be stuck in this? i have no choice?or do i haf one? take a leap? theres always family...mei n ma say im crazy to be tinking of quitting jus after 3 mths...yah i mus be crazy..send me to the mental hospital!for once i wish tt im a retard..wish dat im not born into this world..i simply dun like it..im regretting tt ive complained alot bt school now? its bt work..

eyes lit up when i saw the news in the papers today reporting on CAAS tinking of introducing something call the 'shpping advisor' sds fun, sds like the kind of PR jobs which i may like..no details given but my mind has been wandering since just now..imagining myself bringing tourists ard..hey!not just any tourist..i should believe dey r the big earners, big spenders...airport's stuff aint cheap..yah..vast product knowledge is a must..n i know...yah seems like i noe alot but i dunno

dun like to be arrowed..mb its not tt ive been arrowed...yah im choosing to believe and trying to rationalise tt wad im doing will be good for me...will be good ocs om learning...yah its true but i simply hate it when ive to work beyond 6pm..waking up at 6am..wrking frm 9am to 12 odd...start again at 1 plus den till 6..dats like a darn lot of hours! sheesh...my eyes cant take it my brain cant tk it..next? u either go home n rest?no!not rest to continue wrking as for me i will wrk up at 4am and wrk...WTH! n? i cant claim OT hrs when i wrok late..not recognised..den wads the point?work to death n no one knows? okie dey will noe cos when u submit ur letter they noe dat u cant tk it anymore...it's like this in every company big or small..im choosing to complain cos i tink this is not the kind of life i wanna lead in the long run...den how long is long? i dunno...

confused...not exactly self fulfilling..not satisfied with wad im doing now..i dun like the idea of hafing to report to pple..dun like the idea of being at the mercy of managers..sunno hw long more i can bear...dun like the idea of hearing how terrifying this or tt mgr is..pls lahs..fold paper oso mus use ruler? dun waste my time lors...yah i noe the need for good quality working papers but y not i print i file i ref n u fold lahs...n y not u try doing the ground level job and see how tough it is..and pls wake up ur idea of wanting to torture the lower level peeps by asking them to change and change...okie haf to admit its inevotable if things go wrg...or not so well so changes are necessary..if i were to be able to make it to the mgmt. i have to remind myself tt i cant be lidis..

higher mgmt?...come on lahs...if not for us...u will haf no files to review...some jus simply bt the simple EQ...glad tt at least 2 mgrs bother to say 'hi' when dey see us..the rest?either stares at u like uve committed a crime(even when u noe u din) or pretend to walk past without seeing u...so this is call higher mgmt? guess im too picky...fantasizes tt this wrld is gg to be a perfect wrld..applying my own std to everything...no i shld b like this..cos thers really too much to be changed n they wun changed jus cos im wishing for it.

goint back to the topic of being perfect..was reading the papers a few days back..short article reflecting tt gers esp those well educated, with high paying jobs are more susceptible to having anorexia/bulimia etc...cos? they pursue a perfect life...wanting a perfect career, a good education, wanting the best look..etc...i agree tt i belong to this category of gers..jus a little imperfection pisses me off..agitates me..report says even when it comes to rship its the same n ive gt to really agree..sighh..so its not me only...i m not alone..

yah commented tt one of the pageant gers is not pretty enuff though she has a good bod and it will be good if she has the face of another contestant and she will be perfect...will always rem daph's reply..'n one's perfect' and yah it struck me deep yes..tink it will be a lasting comment which i will rem cos i noe im not perfect as well..i noe im not perfect tt's y im trying to perfect it..but i noe i wun be..

feel like breaking down n haf a good good cry..stress?depression?mb it's jus PMS...

glad tt ive hj with me in the co. thanks ger! i understd how u r feeling but hopefully things will turn out better for u...its tough esp. wrking for such a person..jiayou and try ya best..jus realise tt ive to handle her on my next job too..oh man..nvm...see how i will die..no i will not die..i musnt die too horribly else ill be letting myself down..

spending spree?this is nota good sign..bot another wallet and top but they were on sale...yah its CHOMEL...sale mah.tts wad i always sae when i buy stuff..realise its to vent off the stress level..i dunno...oh well mus admit tt i dun realli nid a new wallet...but its on sale...wanna buy another pair of shoes..hmm...mb this is a necessity..

there's a zouk outg to 'celebrate' a senior's resignation? not in the mood to drink today so din go...into drinking?no lahs..jus feel more relax with a glass of wine..dats nice..yummy magarita..hmm...no beer..but vodkas good:) rums great as well...drunkard?dun wish to but when stress keeps waving at u u jus simply wanna sae 'off to hell u go!'

sighh...okie slping time..a HEALTHY ALTERNATIVe to relieve stress, unhappiness, depression, exhaustion...yah guess its the last which im experiencing...

if life has to be led in this way...y not just kill me and dun let me live

2007-08-31T07:19:00.000-07:00

its yet another weekend ahead..its gonna be different cos dere's my hall's DnD tme at grand corpthorne..yah..gonna wear my new pink dress, new clipons, carry my new bag n the theme for myself? haha...dreamy sweet so im gonna be in pink n white n silver:) haha..cant wait to doll up n look pretty...ooops!jaha..
waited to go for mac's makeover but...haha..thot shldnt jus splunge since ive really spent quite a bit alr...n the next oay day is like 3 weeks away:( boo!haha
ytd was funny...darius invited us to the UK bash org. by his sch..his 'ATAS' IMPERIAL COLLEGE!oh my..,hw come my frans r all so smart? but im not..issit me or wad..thought i shld haf worked harder and born smarter to enter such good n reputable schools...now? regret?hmm..a bit...so we had our drink..yah n it's A drink..seldom drink only a cup of calories!okie...mus note the peeps whom im with..oh well, poor darius got scolded by us for asking us dere as the scholars were busy netwrking!not there to party!we wanted to dance but the dance floor was like a forbidden area..every kid was busy socialising...haha..okie..shall spare darius from all these...haha..but its a good meetup:)
suppose to go for class after wrk just now but was so tired that me just headed home..this week no class so ive to work doubly hard to prepare for next week's..tough song but ill jus do my best..just read mei's blog..yah though its tiring every sat, the class was enjoyable.. the studio, the atmosphere, the frans, my laoshi..these are the pple who have the same interest as us..feels really great!
fieldwork will be coming to an end next week at least till tuesday...feel like gg back office to work.haha..dun noe to bring my lappie ard...oh well...it has its downsides as well..

yawns...shall go sleep and see if me can wake up for a swim tmr..if not mes gg for my 10km jog on sun!!!yeah!!haha...good good wondering wad we shld eat after dat?hmm...zhiyu let's go for low carb, healthy subway k?hahaha...cant wait to see u on every sun...it feels so so good to haf a good fran like YOU who shares the same interest as me!so me wun b lazy to not jog..haha..n ur so many gungho guy frans..haha..not too bad also..at least we can socialise!haha
weekends gonna pass real fast so im gg to really make good use n treasure it!

2007-08-18T08:40:00.000-07:00

of deres a tinge of jealousy but mes clear of the standard..my frans standard and mine..so its okie..feeling excited for her...yah laoshis right saying dat we will be envious whu wun?
hmm..good for her..a little 17 with so so much potential...cant admit enuf dat im old..realy regretting dat me wasnt enrolled earlier...but at least at this age im in n im grateful:) thanks god for this:)

laoshi saes today im lots lots better than last week..i thank u for ur comment laoshi:) i will jiayou and try my best to work on this song..a bit confused..always feel like learning playing the keyboard/piano..so nice...gonna start composing..hmm..needing the gan jue i tink...:P ambitious but shall work on it

community day was quite slack ytd..we were called the 'drainers'..sians..so dirty hate doing community work...getting whiny but oh well me really dun like to do such stuff...firstly, its quite dirty and urghh..meis different totally the opposite of me..yah...being the lowest in rank aint good always get arrowed to do stuff..the partner wanted us to play against the kids and tadah!we got arrowed real easily!so no choice, bose said so we had to in the end still lost wad haha..

had our cheap ktv session at teo heng katong shpping center...hmm..quite fun..had our dinner at this cha chan ting in katong..the shrimp dumpling is not bad..din finished the noodle as usual and the rest was finished by clarence, darius n yiwen..mb its cos deirs aint filling enuf:P

noticed a peep from another service unit..not very tall, tanned in the club..haha..yeah? can consider as an eye candy?hmm..gtta have some entertainment during work else it will be so tiring!haha..saw whus the peep joyce was toking bt..so angmohish..so potato

yi, uncle n cousins plus nephew drpped by just now but me n mei were hafing class so din managed to meet them..haha..aunt sais dat me looked like a mixed blood frm the taiwan photos..i was like huh?mum was surprised herself..haha..mixed blood?malay plus indian?haha

hmm..getting late shall run my 10 km tmr and yeah!!thanks zhiyu for being able to get hold of the car!so we can go KTV after dat!!!yeah!! so its ktv till 2 odd:) so happy....mus practise them so next week wun get whack too badly..shld work twds the improvement and the advance class! yes thats one of my current goals!:)

not gg to get disillusioned animore..the futures gonna depend on how its crafted today!n im believeing!

2007-08-16T07:44:00.000-07:00

tmr's company's community day...deres only one good thing bt it: doing work without nedding to think much..on the flip side? 1) wear t shirts n jeans which ive nv worn bfore= dun like! 2) tasked to scrub n clean drain= omg! yucks! dirty drains imagine we hafta clean drain...whey community work oso dun make things difficult mah!:( 3) getting dirty n sweaty=unglam!..the list goes on as ive so much to complain!urghh!

jus looking fwd for the day to end at kovan n den head dwn to meet CTC pals for the long awaited and hard to plan KTV session...hafta really thank von for taking the effort to help us search for a cheaper place to sing..on a fri night the prices are atrociously ex!kaos!so in the end von fd the katong one where me went bfore with our dearest cgl yx n pals:) thanks ger n thanks frans again for being able to turn up:) really looking fwd!

haf been spending quite a bit on food these days..hmm..farewell lunches n staff so its gonna be a time to save!gd thing? starting on a new job next week for the next 3 weeks...BUT!!!note the big BUT!im working in orchard!!!how to not get tempted?

tuesday dropped by bugis..had the thot of walking ard and try getting some nice clothes!however, i was just so caught up in BHG(previously known as seiyu) tt i as stuck dere!mind u! worse still i was only at one of the sections n din even browsed thru all the brands lahs! in the end bot a pink silvery knee length tulip top dress, a black top, a black working skirt n a shawl!wah..dats alot...a little disct so still alright..

dunno y jus feel like buying..retail therapy? tink ive had rounds of them..still cant get enuf of them...:( stressed over work? not really? depressed?hmm..not really but must admit tt i was shocked as it was just so unexpected...lost like the other?no not realli...hurt?i guess not...just sians over tt...wadever...yah n here goes my wadever attitude

cnt wait for sunday..the beach, it has become my fran and best im going with my good good fran zhiyu...we haf the same goal..same interest:) like the feeling of a great workout followed by a nice treat...this weeks subway?haha..thanks zhiyu for ur company:)

glad to have frans whom i can relate to at work..same frequency?mb..similar topics i guess..n ger!so surprised with wad ya told me ytd...really over our hakka yong tau fu..haha..even eating habits r so similar babe..no carb buddies!haha..feels great to have a bunch of fun loving n easy gg peeps ard:)

met up with shan n tings ytd..yah another hard to arrange meetup but as usual it was great i mus say..gossiping bt pples blogs, our mums etc..oh yah..shan suggested dat we go tour japan next april, may!cool!dun mind grad trip part 2?hahaden next yr will be part 3 to hong kong with sis..haha..sds good!thanks mb can save up and get shan to go UK US with me den me can go get COACH n LV GuCCI Prada!wah...sorry a brand whore!!haha...shall see how..okok...chanting 'to save to save to save..' to myself now!haha

shall go slp now:) else even my 100 bucks eye cream n mask wunt even work!:(

2007-08-09T00:09:00.000-07:00

quite glad tt me din go bala after work but met up with VJ's CTC clique..had korean food at Togi, chinatown. its tucked nicely along mosque street..a hastily arranged mtg setup..good to see my fellow council frans..duno y but cant help feeling a little distant..din really get to talk to lin n von since its a rather 'big' grp..hope there will be chances in the future:)

good dat zh n emma joined us at cha chan ting to chill after dinner and we ended up staying dere till 1am!suppose to go ktv but the cheap one was full n the ex ones aint worth it..so in the end chose to go chill..thanks zh for sending me home!thanks alot!

everyone's leading their own life, leading a different life..minding their own business..yah i cant deny tt me aint..the working world is not much better than the schooling days so treasure them while it last!

tink too high ytd dunno why tink its just me when im tired, talked rubbish i guess..haha..tink mus have stunned u peeps..all those rubbish which ive splurted..haha..oh well..for entertainment?okie shallow a bimbo a slut? has nv been called the last oh well if dats wad had been portrayed i shld really go reflect on it..

surprised tt von n lin are into drinking..oh my..is this a grown up phase? hmm..if theres a chance shld meet up and qie chuo with lin whus so knowledgeable bt drinks! guys u mus be surprised...mb next time u all will get used to it..of cos not excessive drinking lahs..

sians..todays suppose to go swim but rained..so its gonna be tmr swim, afternn facial ktv with mei after dat..sun? yeah gg to jog with dearest zhiyu again!!yeah! so happy feeling fit!haha..n hopefully my 40 bucks of cream wun go to waste!haha

it was quite an enjoyable lunch ytd w sam n rick..funny lasses...crack jokes over lunch..haha..nice chaps nice colleagues..at least this a consolation:)

its 4.2 at kbox today but shld i go?haha..oh well..shall go nap n see how..:P

aches

2007-08-03T22:03:00.000-07:00

my whole body's aching like crazy!cfm..went for sports day at hougang stadium and played netball..nearly died as it aint the usual full size netball court but the entire basketball court!hmm...n best since i haven played for a long time the skills aint dere anymore!haha. best!has nv exercised with makeup on!:P

maybe its cos of the improper warmup which is causing me the aches now!urghh...hate it ..oh well at least ive exercised this week!shall either go for my swim/run next weekend:) cant wait!what to do?since its only work on weekdays, recreation activities can only be scheduledon weekends!okie not forgetting the killer 4hrs tuition sessions which i have to gif for the next 2 weeks to prepare them for their tests..hence in actual fact, its 7 days work week!bleah:(

work?theres only one thing to look forward to--salary!yah with it, retail therapy comes into mind..hmm...not really true though..haha..spent quite a bit last week so it doesnt mean tt its only therapy with salary..so long as its a means of destressing shopping is the cure!haha..yah so next? to shop for a pretty dress for hall's DND!haha..looking forward:) n get more pretty working tops n bottoms! and shoes and more!

mb u can say the sense of accomplishment of completing a project is another element, however, at my stage its not entirely applicable yet so till now its the pay and the hope tt nothing major screws up etc..smooth working experience?yeah..n of cos must really be wary of peeps, those who r nice on the surface may be those with the most malicious intentions..how not to be extremely skeptical when surrounded in an environment like this? must thank god for the presence of frans like huijing,shuling, jiali and mb sam? the rest r the 'be wary' stage..so this is life..

had been slacking in office catching up with the e-learning, reading up the client's file, doing admin...bascially slacking lahs!haha.think next week will be somewhat the same and the following week will be down with the planning n the next mth till mid sept will be outfield again!yeah!quite worried as to how to charge time...haha..but wad to do me aint booked on any job:P haha

quite glad to have gone down to sentosa ytd for hall's SP night at palawan with hj:) thanks ger for not backing out...it was really great to be back n meet the hall frans..the mood and everything was just so so familiar, the faces, the games etc..i miss school suddenly..n thanks for gifing me the attention peeps, dats definitely uncalled for lahs..haha..luckily nv make us sing in front of the freshies whom we dun even noe..n thanks for calling me bimbo, lao nu ren etc etc..haha..doesnt sd nice but oh well its part and parcel lahs..used to it alr!

guess wad? so so really surprised to see the VJ Student's council junior-jason!Yes hes in hall 3!OMG! its really a big big surprise..okie my bimbotism simply just surfaced...so my juniors think hes cute too..the boyish looking kind, three yrs ago hes cute 3 yrs later hes just as cute plus a bit of manly-ness?haha...oh well...its just so funny to see us gg gaga over him...so farnie! nice to see darren tingting sara yj yz zm daph calvin winnie etc..so nice..:) haha..tink i was too noisy n a bit too high jianlun said ive completely changed his impression of me..haha..dunno wads ur initial impression but its okie..peeps will change and i dun deny..whether its better or worse i dun wanna think of it..i dun haf the time and energy to think of it as well

guess im getting more recluse...sleep has become my top priority during weekends, exercise 2nd..resting at home 3rd, as n when throw in gatherings..guess dese will explain my current life now..

thanks for the compliment ytd..came as a surprise. wishing u all the best in ur courtship and jiayou!haha..nice and ambitious chap!
pengs, try so hard to get attention?no nid lahs..appear whereever we were n tried to strike a conversation? oh pls!haha..n why wld we wanna go over to IT when we haf no probs with the lappies?

shall go slack somemore before vocal exercising starts n its off for class :)

national day's coming and just realised tt there aint fireworks festival this year..haha..yah its was a nice meetup cum viewing last year..good memories shall stay and i thank you for that:)

thanks babe!

2007-07-29T07:14:00.000-07:00

hey thanks ZHIYU!!

very happy today:) thanks for gg ECP to jog with me!n yES!u r like an ironlady i mus say!never seen my fran run so frantically continuously for an hour bfore and t this speed of urs! KUDOS to u my dear ger:) haha...good good next session i mus run more but not at ur pace lahs..haha..
so nice for u to haf droven me back n forth
and the lunch at werner's oven was great...value for money:) so next time we can drp by again n try other stuff so before tt mus exercise!haha..wait for u to be back from bintan:)

spending a lot these days on 'necessity' ..thanks mei for acc. me to town after singing class on sat:) bot a new wrking top from iora, a pair of black heels frm tangs, a new beige wrking bag frm isetan a wrking skirt from omac..wah okie dats alot of money spent:P bleah ..n also i love the tomyam soup frm food republic! tink ive gtten mei addicted to it too!simply heavenly!haha..

tmr's the start of yet another week..weekends jus came n went..
sat's class? fast song..jus sang normally but a little glad tt laoshi din really pass any neg remarks..okie next week shall do betta:)

this week gonna be based in office before heading to great wrld city for the next few weeks of field work:) great! gt direct bus!haha..tmr? full day training..shld be gg for G2's very first ktv session!yeah!sing sing n sing again!cool! tues? half day training but aint really keen to go for the farewell dinner..wed? steamboat with my colleagues..oh mans...getting fat...shall go swim tis sun hopefully...fri? gg for sports day so dat renders a half day leave n yeah off to sentosa with pals to join the hall peeps for SP night!wah sds hectic right?haha...yah n den its the weekends again!

hmm..seldom see someone so enthu over ktv before esp. when it's a he...haha..okie at least it isnt a bad thing to be enthu..

zhiyu saes im always feeling/thinking the wrg thing...oh issit?haha...oh well..dun care lahs..focus?work and dreams?no time for those babes..n yes!uve gtta gt married before me cos i wanna be ur bridesmaid!haha..

alrights hopefully the quiz tmr wun be too tough...slping time:)

for a while i thot y im in such a shitty state...the job..the hrs...staying in office till late..not euff beauty slp..not enuf time for myself..is this the life i want?m i enjoying?no idea..no clues as to want i can do or pursue other than this job..yah wadever...focus is the key to success and my success..

convo

2007-07-24T06:55:00.000-07:00

was still pondering if i shld attend convo ytd..oh well went in the end n yah its over!
quite good to see familiar faces and of cos taking grad photos with hs mel kj joey mandy yw iriss etc etc...think mei, dad n ma had a long wait..so paiseh..hopefully the dinner at din tai feng helped a little:)

finally its over n me wun haf to be bothered with it anymore:0

just read the mail and yes!this fri. we can wear jeans to work!yeah!!haha and this fri is pub of the month for RAs..shall ask if the rest will be dere and this weekend mus mug for a minitest for next mon's trging...

was quite surprised to see him at the audi today..not once but twice..oh well it doesnt really matter i guess..good tt me took photos with huijing and shuling!haha..my RAS colleagues:) and oh yah clarence and shenzhi specially went down, so took photos with em as well..thanks alot!nice to see u two:) haha

hmm..sprained the ankle a little and hopefully will gt better tmr...sians tmr mus go to work again..haha..so wads motivating me now? my pay!haha...okie...shall save n work twds my coach, LV and tangs n co. shoes:) yeah!

liberation

2007-07-21T07:52:00.000-07:00

dragonfly wasnt that big it wasnt tt big afterall..
din exactly plan to go clubbing ytd..aint my interest afterall..never been to such places without the company of my hall mates, my course mates..that was at least a yr plus since ytd's visit..

senior joyce asked me to go..so as usual i wun unless ive company so 'happily' arranged one with my colleagues..n 5 out of the 8 of us went..plus 9 seniors?yah so dat makes it 14 of us or 15?
guess we were pissed cos on a fri we had to wrk till 730..y?managers dere so wad to do..dun feel lyk oso hafta fake lahs..so took a cab down with senior gg to esplanade..n me to vivo..shall claim for the fares..dats wad auditors do!claim claim n claim!

met rick hj jen jiali at modestos an italian rest. for dinner..yah n tt huge plate of ceaser salad was good..yum!of cos lahs..costed me 15bucks..nice relaxed dinner..laughed all the way..haha..so it was at least a good session after a sucky week at work:P yah..n so dey happily arrowed me as the KTV rec club for us G2! and hj for sports and siew koon for drinking..cool right?its so nice dat ive such fun loving fellow colleagues:) greatful for tt..

by the time we were done with dinner, it was alr. 10 so next? headed to dragonfly and alas cnt imagine dat i actually queued to enter a club..lotsa of wrking folks as well as bengs and lians..good dat we had a fellow guy colleague-sam with us..but poor him, one guy hafing to 'look after' for gers..haven had so much drinks since last year at profs place..yah n i mean a vodka lime+ vodka shot(courtesy of sam)+ vodka ribena+vodka red bull+whisky!cool! but i still prefer my vodka lime..the feeling? feels alright as least we were all in a relaxed mood, so high i guess..oh man! luckily i was still sober, jus can really walk straight but i knew wads gg on ard me:P we headed to the dance floor, so packed so packed, we were all so closed to oneanother, so many ppl e ard us...the music was alright..din notice sly was on stage though i remembered his sgs being sang..oh well..grateful dat sam was ard protecting and watching over us..thanks!so nice of u!:)

hj puked and was quite seh..sam's briefcase gt all the puke and me n shuling had to head for the toilet to clean oursleves..me din really gt it though..poor ger hopefully u r feeling much better..
its true tt we cnt drink too much such tt we totally lose ourselves..i noe im tired twds the end..headed twds our little table n was glad tt the guy gave up the seat for me..him?whus him?i aint sure, cun be bothered but jus knew tt hes mingbao's fran or colleague.luckily i knew wad i was doing..luckily i was in control luckily i din jus listen to wad he offered..oh my! thanks sam for cming over..yah he aint my bf n i knew..so gtta thank u for looking out for me..so one wrd of caution: gtta lookout for another

so left at 2 plus and one of the seniors drove me n hj home..so exhausted tt i jus plonged myself on the sofa n concussed..completely! hangover? nah..still managed to wake up to gif tuition at 1030..

todays class was oki..i gtta grab hold of the cd n practise!at least miaoru and mei says this suits my vocal more:)yeah..so next week weve gtta be geared for a fast song..elva's cuppucino..okie gtta really learn this week...

looking fwd to G2's ktv session on the 30th july mon after training after work!

betta stop the crap...hopefully doesnt continue but cant control the dreadful feeling..the last thing is to go bk to tt feeling 3 yrs ago..n i wish it wun occur

politiking

2007-07-19T07:11:00.000-07:00

mb its stress, mb its lack of sleep mb its of other reasons which i cant pinpoint..

if ya were to ask me hw im feeling now...i can tell u straight tt i aint happy with the fact tt ive to wake up early and work till late...aint totally awake..im like a walking zombie,hate seeing my eyebags darkening, hate to listen to the gossips rel. to office..worst, thanking my seniors for being so kind to forewarn me bt the spinsters managers in office..thanks for telling me tt i will die under tt newly promoted director..it wun help by saeing tt she favours guys and will vent her anger on gers n not only gers but add the word pretty to it n u r cfm gg to suffer badly under her...sheesh..

hey!im being employed to learn n work not for pple to rant at! not here to tolerate the managers shit!yah being the lowest in the rank doesnt worth much but cant u jus think of urself in the past? dun u all haf some EQ? WTF!

gtting all emo bt it cos 10 days time i will b on a job with 3 guys and the darn director..dunno hw bad she is and i noe it aint fair to jus judge her jus by listening to my seniors comments etc..oh well, if shes not so evil, will pple detest her till like dat?i dunno..i jus wanna pray hard dat i wun die too terribly..will cfm die but hope wun die too badly..

it mus be lack of slp n the setting in of yet another rd of depression?the feeling seems to be appearing yet again..3 yrs ago now...oh pls! tmrs finally fri. again!good! but cant come bk to slack at home..for my future?will i haf one?sds bleak but whu noes..sians..yah gg dragonfly with the rest of the colleagues after work..nv been dere before so shall go chill..n yah think joyce does haf an agenda for asking me to go with them.,,n babe!it doesnt help by telling me dat piece of info and its scary to be in the office now..dun try too hard cos i aint trying and mb none will fit the bill..thanks for the thot though babe!

sleeping time..seems like im only enjoying myself during my slping hours and singing class...the rest of the time?im only hoping ill be aslp..seriously..if living is so hard..forget it..i dun mind not being a being..yah

gentle-man-li-ness

2007-07-16T07:01:00.000-07:00

today aint exactly a good day to start with..i knew it so i was prepared for today..

met daph at the station at 8 and went to office..at least her office looks more friendly and its so easy to find cable points lahs...okie so off we were doing our timesheet and with me doing it for the first time in my life i bet i did piss daph off...thanks ger for being so patient with me and thanks for hekoing me with it...yah after dat went for trging frm 9 to 5..

thot tt me cld haf a good lunch with huijing n daph n here came the much dreaded msg frm senior asking me to send her the visio file...okie whose fault?yah my fault guess din pass to her on fri..dats y ...so no choice had to be back in office during lunch break to pass her the file...

really appreciative for my colleagues presence..seriously speaking its weird to go back office durin the miserable 1hr n 20 mins lunch break to check email lahs..so weird..okie ive gt company..its really nice of him to accompany me back to office even when he realised tt the trainer had locked the room and he cun gt connected without his token..
tink hes the most gentlemanly of all...really impressed! carried my lappie even when i said it was okie, opening and holding doors for us, always letting us walk first, so ever polite..offered to help me keep the heavy lappie in his locker, still insisting on carrying when the lappie bag isnt tt heavy without the contents..n thanks for queuing for the fishball beehoon for me..feeling so guilty tt me din even ask wad ya wanna eat and u had to take ba cho mee...thank you!
surprised tt u noticed wad i ate dat day and remembered tt i do tk lotsa of veg...thanks for ur msges to remind me on this n that...and the reminding me on little things as insig. as switching off the wireless when using the cable..oh my!this is really helpful..thoughtful of u!

assume dat u r this nice to everyone..yah..haha..its so nice to haf someone showing u the attention and in a surprising way..

so a mad rushy day with a surprise lunch company..n i guess it made my day feel better and today shall haf a good night sleep:)

thanks n all i can say is thanks a lot dude! mb this its onli in the bix areana ladies will be treated in this manner..othertimes?u wish!

beginning

2007-07-15T06:28:00.000-07:00

yah mei's true...its only a week of work and im like sians..haha..mb i aint used to it yet..wadever

ytd's lesson was slack..warmed up in the studio..real surprised when laoshi commented dat wu di dongs aint suitable for me..quite relieved when our music exec. said it sded not bad..perplexed cfm..ive been singing dat for a long time..a must for ktv n it aint suitable? pondered and cant really think of a reason..mei says its cos tanyas wild..he said i wun be able to sing coco's as well..okie..so gtta choose a new sg n gtta prep 4 more...tough..hopefully he will gif me the nod next sat...

at least a bit comforted to noe tt he acknowleges my effort to minimise my falsetto usage..thanks laoshi...thanks for ur comment n ill work hard!

okie gtta go prac. n slp n meet daph real early tmr!

too fast and furious

2007-07-13T19:12:00.000-07:00

shall do a quick update, nap for half hr before tuition starts at 11am ltr...

wanna complain bt the access to the company's system...wad the crap..difficulty in accessing the intranet and stuff...cant complete much things at home..shall go bk office next mon and see if i can gain access from there...means ive gtta be there real early so that if it fails then ive gt time to go to the IT dept to seek HELP!!alas!mans..submit timesheet check project schedules and stuff den off for a day's training on bix etiquette..

everything seems to be gg on so fast esp. when u r at work..oh mans!im like living in my own world lahs...my fellow associates r in office some on job while some aint..they had a training yesterday while ive been heading to client's place somewhere in yio chu kang...yah true tt ive my seniors with me..no need to be in office, no need to squeeze with the 'mrt' crowd and lunch crowd but ive gt so many things undone!haven met up with my performance manager so dat explains the email which ive jus sent haven managed to settle the comp thing...haven learnt how to use the e-eave etc...wah!...stressed stressed..

good things...take the non-cramped bus 43 to work..have a fixed room of our own to do internal audit..getting to noe seniors better..honing my interviewing skills, getting better with my heels, training up arm muscles carrying my darn heavy laptop daily..and yah! managed to complete one visio flowchart on my own! for me its a feat cos ive nv done one gd one in my life before..though had an exam on it in ntu i din even noe if ive gtten it right or wrong,finally after rds of interviewing the process owners ive gt it up and my senior in charge of the project said its okie and shell jus amend the technical aspects!happy!

one really heartwarming thing was tt one of my colleagues whus wellknown for his gentleman-li-ness...(haha..of cos theres no such word!) msged me to tell me bt next week's training and offered to help me tell the secretary if im able to nk it or not...so nice right and also asked bt my job n stuff..so nice..jus when i thot im forgotten...haha..mb i aint afterall..oh yah wanna thank huijing as well for helping me book my convo leave ger!urgghh...

apart from next mon's training it will be at yck again for the rest of the week to do testing..looking fwd to next sun cos im bringing pei out for harry porter though o haven watched a single epi dun mind bringing her out!yah so after dat ill be busy helping to wrap up the project i guess...my job? its like doing a massive proj jus tt weve gt deadlines to meet..and after this ive been booked on another mega one...gd at least gt 2 more associates with me and this client's place is gonna to be near to my house!great..can forsee myself being occupied till sept!

so far...everydays packed even suns till the last sun of july! tmrs gg ecp to jog with zhiyu!cant wait mans and thanks ger for wanting to go w me!thanks i need the exercise!haha!next movie with pei...next next dinner with shanx n co? packed till i cant believe,shall leave my sundays untouched so tt i can gif myself a breather and slack at home...

tink falling sick..sighh..its hard to earn money...studying is better...but wad to do..im being paid for the work i do...n i will seek enjoyment in wad im doing be positive be optimistic cos this is the only way to keep me gg to keep me focus to keep me on track so tt ill reach my destination in the years to come..its hard it comes with sacrifices but its part and parcel of life...i noe i will get wad i want eventually...yes that's wads keeping me going for now

first day

2007-07-04T06:10:00.000-07:00

first day at work, first day of formal work, first day earning my 2+k work stinct..feeling? hmm..apprehensive yet its quite alright cos ive gt my frans with me..at least ive gt huijing- vj cum hall 3 cum jcrc pal..feeling quite glad tt we r able to 'click'..phew..just when we thought there r only 6 of us being recruitment, clarus told me tt his fran samuel is in RAS too..so i guess he shld be 'the' samuel whom ive talked online bfore and ya hes his fran..hmm..wonder how he looks like in person..okie..bet clarus will intro him to us tmr..good so 5 gers n 2 guys n they can help us carry lappie!haha...so rick wun be e only one carrying!haha..oh well we aint so mean lahs..

mums up with funny ideas again..cmon ma...go there to work not to 'bio' guys lahs..haha..its realli nice for hj to have told me bt my unit's culture...urghh..its awful to noe tt our partners actually designated the first fri of every mth for drinking!oh my!and yes we do get free drinks but we aint alcoholics!alas...n this fri is the first fri!die die! fri will definitely b dragged there after work n drink..sheesh! n the upcoming welcome party will be at a club most probably...dis will be a large large scale one..even worse..sighh...hopefully it will b on a sat so ive gt classes so its my priority! quite disappointed tt theres no gym membership only for seniors and above den we will gt one at legends, fort canning..so wait lorhs..meanwhile gtta use public pool and public tracks..nvm..slowly ill see the word 'exclusive' appearing..

finally met up with council frans ytd!short but fun...the bois r still the same..haha..not really surprising..haha..as lame as ever lahs..tink its great cos i guess this is how we remain on the same frequency?aha..aint really sure but sort of sensed tt clarence, darius n zhenhao were quite sian when we were toking bt work related stuff..sorry dudes..this is called zhi ye bing!:( oh ya emma joined us after dinner at ben n jerry's..yum yum! thanks emma for sending me home!haha..no nid to walk home!haha...thanks!

tmrs gonna b a lg day cos company arranged an outdoor bbq dinner with the big shots...good to noe whu r my bosses but really afraid tt dey will drown us to death:( since its bbq shant eat since they aint healthy shall cm bk n eat the bowl of veg which mum will prep. tmr:) wah...yum yum!

sun's treatment gonna be the last..okie sort of a relief..n me shall drp by the hairdresser to trim those tresses..so this means tt me cmi for sun's ktv with ct pals:( so sad but no choice lehs..next sun me has gt facial..work starts means only free on sun..so im packed..aiyos n me shall stay at home on sun..to haf dinner..rest sleep..its a long way to go but ill reach dere, we wll reach there..

premonition

2007-06-30T08:17:00.000-07:00

always having premonition..sometimes its good sometimes its bad..today? sadly its the latter:(

aint feeling well in the first place. very lethargic the whole day even my tutee gtta correct me for my mistakes...so tired tt me even complained bt it n thot of skipping todays class:( knew todays class is gonna be a flop..sians..

next? haha..though we've registered for the milkrun, there's always a 30% thought in me tt we wun be able to make it eventually..

yah and both came true:(

current feeling? dejected depressed disappointed irritated super tired

its not due to the run though it wld be good for me to go relax and have fun to experience such events..haha...mb its cos its no luck bahs..there will be more runs ahead mb can sign up for those instead:)

today's class? wasnt myself wasnt paying close close attention..did a little warm up and off to the studio...gtta record verse by verse..all of them recorded successfully..cos mes the last one mine wasnt complete..reason: wrong falsetto usage..sighh..blame it on my past experiences in choir?or was it natural? it's a flaw confirm...we realised its no longer fun ktv-ing cos we r always so conscious of how we sing...not enjoying ourselves like last time..cos we ve grown used to the studio atmosphere..yah

laoshi asks jon laoshi to help me with my verse..think hes tired after gg thru 3 sgs..weihao took ard 45mins, miaoru bt 20 mei bt 20 mines bt 25-30min...yah n their verses were done..mine aint:( irritated tt me jus cant gt the normal and falsetto right...luckily jon laoshi taught me else if laoshi were to do it think i will gt whacked hard:9 alas...even im disappointment with myself...okie im tired must be...mei told me tt she overheard laoshi suggested to jon laoshi to lower the keys..and yah i agree den me will be using my normal tone to sing...

one comforting thing for the night? jon laoshi is so charismatic..he taughtt me the first 2 lines of the verse:) dun really dare to look straight into his eyes mans...i must have looked super dumb or blushing like crazy:( wah all the seh all gone..but at least hes more patient?a little weird to hear him speak in chinese cos hes so angmoish..n yah laoshi says tt he will let an angmohish teacher correct me cos im an angmohish student...haha...okie so i was lucky?:P..mei told me she gt 'dian' oso when he was teaching her how to use diaphgram jus now as well..haha..so both of us gt 'dian' by him..haha..was telling mei sthg ridiculous..told her tt me wun mind being his student and jus gt mesmerised by him weekly but of cos will learn nothing lahs!haha...alright shall cut my crap!

though today's recording for myself wasnt good, practices mus continue!i mus work harder and try with lower keys....yes!they can do it i can too!must show laoshis tt i can do it!and of cos prove to myself tt i can too!yah so dats it...ive gt only 1 week to improve to focus on improvements...yah next sat ive gtta prove to laoshi! quite obvious tt miaoru is his fav. n has the possibility tt she will gt to cut an album in the future, its okie..shall learn as much as possible..
give up? no way!cant jus give up lidat..jus the 5th session cant jus gif up lidat...dat wun be me!
suddenly realise tt mes only succeeding a little in studies...aint trained in other things...sighh...i wld love to play the piano, the organ, the violin etc..envious...i wld luf to excel in sports?

tmr will be a good day at least me gtta rest at home..sleep and practise practise practise! i can do it!i hafta do it and ive gtta show tt i can!

all the way JOLEEN!

(haha...new crush? oh mans...even i cant stand myself for crushing so easily esp. guys with such musical talent!:P haha..so shant paiseh myself in front of him nex week...IMPROVE will be the word!)

nice meetup:)

2007-06-29T01:57:00.000-07:00

met up with daph jeremiah shunzhao for lunch at swensons ytd..it's been a long time since ive been to this restaurant:) yah the food aint as exciting alr..haha..had the executive lunch set and as usual no dinner after dat...prefer mtg for lunch compared to dinner cos i can jus lump 2 meals into one..n disgestion's slow at night so nopes!or it will b real light ones like salad soup etc for dinners...yups!

finally got my working heels from tangs..its a brown pair from tangerine:) quite nice at least the design is different from those frm novo, charles and keith and urs..hmm..no wonder peeps like to buy stuff frm branded stores..wah okie at least mines not that ex..i shall work hard and get my 2nd pair soon..n my ultimate aim?hopefully i will be able to get my subsequent pairs frm aldo, nine west, americaya, tang+studio soon!cool! as for clothes? i will upgrade slowly...the executive wear frm zara is good but super ex!haha..oh well a yr frm now i will be able to grab a few pieces at the zara sales with my savings...so its gonna be a 'saving campaign'!

influence?influenced? influential? hmm...i tink im an easy target pertaining to this area
...shoes must be trendy, comfortable, not too 'cheap-looking', be daring...clothes are the same...brands? at our current stage apart frm gucci, prada, ferragamo, coach..the rest? okie of cos not those pasa malan kind..remember in our field style, appearance counts...superficial?yupps but impression counts..cosmetics is another category..shld upgrade myself in this category real soon at least for my skin care..no more those frm watsons, guardian...thinking of fancl..haha..shall see how and im hafing a feelin that my beautician will try to pyscho me into buying their products again..haha..so u see how stressful it is to be..comparison comparisons comparisonssss! aha...no stress no gain

daphs right!we were toking bt work progression aims and stuff...making lots of money is a common goal no wonder when we hear tt our counterparts are drawing a higher starting uneasiness sets in..haha...ours isnt tt bad i guess at least acc. to shan, ey's 2nd yr will be drawing at least a 2.9k which is a 0.7k pay increment! frm my pt of view its pretty good but some may think otherwise..personally i believe in long term increments..yah..n great!after a year we can all start looking out for credit cards!okie!ill definitely want a citibank card!so many perks!haha..and after 3 yrs of slogging and savings investments will come into the picture..so exciting..

it aint surprising to hear tt we r aiming for partnership..at least its the long long long term goal for me felix n jeremiah...yah that will be at least 10 yrs...cool! as a partner dere r those really good ones so i shall aim for the senior partner!haha..okie tt will be a bit too far but no harm dreaming and setting goals wad!yups

nice meetup..slacked at nydc after tt and had my pretty sweetie strawberrymilk:) so PINK!!!so happy!haha..great!

oh yah think i quite like products frm the face shop..the lip gloss..jus bought an oilbase makeup remover..need a good one tt cleans thoroughly since ive gtta be all 'made-up' from wed onwards..so mus really tk good good care of my face!shall see if its good bbut gtta finish using my loreal one! hmm...shan recommended a fancl oilbased remover..shall try when im richer..haha...oh yah the face shops hafing sale:)

haf been seeing alot of ladies carrying COACH and LV bags!haha...funny always seems to be standing behind one when im on the escalators..hmm..wad bt GUESS? seems like its a bit of a lower class...a bit auntie-like oso..haha..bonia too..frans told me bonia's an auntie brand..haha..okie din noe..oh well shant comment more since im currently not able to own those..yups

yeah!tmr's sat again!done with the homework so shall go practise my songs after bathing...lalala

boo!

2007-06-26T06:04:00.000-07:00

dunno y but suddenly dun feel like gg for meetups unless it's with some very very close frans..BOO?

y?im uncertain too..suppose to go to mandy's chalet with kj, hs, iriss, joey..yet cos hs cnt make it till late evening but me cant stay ltr cos of work the next day...so gtta gif it a miss:p hmm...hafing abit of headache as well..bleah:(

good tt me ys n charmx met up this afternoon..we slacked at new york new york till ard 2 plus den made our way to gloria jeans at raffles city and planted ourselves dere frm 330 to 5 plus before we started to make our way home...though we din do make jus sit dere...drink soup drink coffee talk, stone, crap, laugh at pple whu were queuing for doughnuts at doughnut factory, it was enjoyable esp. with my good khakis ard..at least i feel very comfortable, safe and good! hmm..mb cos mes tired or mb due to the setting in of another rd of depression me din really wanna acknowledge the presence of the few ntu tut. mates..they cfmed noticed my presence at gloria jeans but din say hi till we were on our way to guardian n had to pass by the peeps..they were friendly afterall

yah, deniece called to ask if me can make it for the bbq org by hillstreet guys...din wanna go esp when its bk in hall..so far so late..not worth it..den deniece msged to say tt the guys decided to change it to sat next week but cos of my classes me cant too! tt's one thing, on the pther hand, i dun really feel like gg...dun feel like mtg peeps frm hall, esp. them sians..y? im asking myself too..nopes, none of them offended me..no one to be exact but dun really wanna entertain them..or mb they r feeling likewise.so y am i complaining?dunno? i jus wanna complain:( thing theres really sthg wrong with me..sighh..mb its cos of avoidance? avoid? avoid for wad? so many mths alr...shld be hafing the 'used to it' ' none of my bix' feeling...mb i jus cant b bothered with stuff..mb ive gt nothing to contribute when i meet em...mb im hafing 2nd thought cos i noe i will be the target of entertainment..they mean no harm but im seriously sick and exhausted frm those alr...yr 1, yr 2, yr 3...and now?come yr 4?c'mon! wadever...pms-ing...

okie me shall be a good student and do my research on kogi tamaki n celion dion so tt me cant share my thoughts with laoshi n frans on sat..be engrossed in practising my songs, grab any remaining time which ive left to slack, spend time at home, lidat can save money too...yah..

tink me shld go haf a good bath and sleep, cool down etc..boo:(

falling into solitude isnt tt bad afterall

how fair is fair

2007-06-25T03:15:00.000-07:00

cant figure the definition of fairness, sometimes i do feel dat life's fair yet recently i am feeling otherwise..so issit fair or unfair? how not to question fairness when samantha told me tt 2 of the kids' parents r both dumb and deaf..how not to question fairness when one keeps failing even if he has worked his heart and soul, how not to question when some are born in wealthier families, more properous families, better living environments etc. den wad bt those children being enslaved in china? alaass? life's never fair i must say..similarly it's like saying no one's perfect, the world isnt perfect etc etc...sighh...

specially set aside yesterday's afternoon for VJ's CT council's meetup yet it din take place...haha..tink we r all so cropped up with stuff dat we r waiting for each other to arrange and stuff...it's tough co-ordinating and after years of doing so mes really bored of doing so...okie this may explain y the meetup wasnt realised..haha

however, it was also due to this dat i was free and so me n yj hastily arranged a last minute ktv session at suntec!yeah! this is only the 2nd time at kbox during this hols for me:( so unlike me right?haha..oh well din plan to go ytd really and thanks yj really for accompanying..haha..so happened dat both of us were free...nice to haf frans whu share the same interest as me!amongst my frans only felix, yj and winnie share the same interest..as in whenever i feel like gg and my sis cun make it ive only em to turn too:( quite sad but it's alright cos not everyone has the same interest..yah..so i really treasure whichever session we have!really! thanks alot babes and dudes..so as a 'mike hogger' ytd's session was great...one mike each..sing till crazy so we took turns..NICE! if only ive more frans whu can go ktv with me:( ktv-ing and formal singing are indeed very different, cant conc. well as we r always trying to 'chase after' the lyrics, watching the MVs whilst studio is all quiet..the images should be in the mind...all ears r on u..the stress to sing ur best etc.. comments tt will follow after each recording etc..tried to sing as if i was in the studio but gave up since its simply impossible!so jus relaxed and had fun..

after 4 hrs of intense vocal exercise, we went kenny roger at marina sq..finally ate the sides luf the corn niblets!the cheesy macaroni forgot to order steamed veg:( bleah...though the portions were manageable me only finished the corn niblets whilst yj helped me with the potato and the cheesy macaroni..reason? self-explanatory..
a long dinner it was..a long talk?mb it's cos we haven updated each other for a long while..din noe bt his side of things, it's always me complaining to him bt things, releasing my unhappiness, my sadness etc onto him..he mus haf felt burdened? or mb its jus hear n forget? nvm..thanks for listening to me all these while..thanks for being dere for my 2 yrs in hall..1st yr? it was another him..i dunno wad to say but to really thank both of u sincerely..frm the bottom of my heart! really! n of cos my dearest exroomie--daphne!yes you daphne..with u acc. me in hall in uni for the past 3 yrs i was really glad..i am really blessed to have u as my fran..those times when we jus toked in our room in yr 1 to yr 2 n 3 when we could just enter each other room to tok..the feeling was really memorable..thanks for ur encouragement, ur advices and im really sorry to have broke down a few times..so paiseh but i really wanna thank you my dear fran!:)

so gtta noe him a little better after a 2hrs dinner and yah u were veri nice to have waited with me for my train n u will definitely find ur ger whus really deserving of u cos u r a great person!

okie...getting all emo again..hmm..shall thus cease here..

yeah seeing yanshan again!so happy...

DREAMS

2007-06-23T18:36:00.000-07:00

the theme song for the closing down ceremony of Singapore's National Staduim this coming saturday..im quite surprised by the title when we were copying the lyrics in the mini room at tinybox..
ytd's class started at least 50mins later than usual..guess all of us were a little exhausted from the wait..trying hard to occupy ourselves with magazines of past issues and those from malaysia..haha...yah bet these malaysian prints were brought in by Desiree. shes indeed quite popular across the straits as articles on her were published..think she has since slimmed down quite a bit..haha...or issit the 'photo-enlargement' effect..shes pretty nice and friendly..no airs..n of cos pretty lahs!haha
supposed to be learning how to use the diaphragm as stated in the course outline but in the end we did sthg more interesting than jus the normal lesson!yes!!i felt tt its so so cool! the 4 of us and a senior from the advance class were tasked to be the backup voices of the theme song, dreams, as stated above! one good thing is tt its an english song so no probs with pronunciation and stuff and its quite catchy too! so after practising a few rounds with laoshi's presence, OFF we went into the studio!haha..imagine us the 4 'teletubbies' ( acc. to laoshi we do look like one) in the seethrough room with music blasting into our ears..haha...the feeling? SHIOK!
yah, 4th time into the studio and the fear of being in it is slowing decreasing:) so the four of us were crowding around the mike stand, listening to the instructions from our dearest zhenhui to sing, re-sing, pause and so on...so were in there for an hour...it was really a fresh experience i must say..though we were only backups for kit chan, we are only students from the basic class and our 4th session!this is indeed a thrilling thought..esp. when laoshi said tt we sd better than some of his other classes which were tasked with this activity..apart frm this 'major' recording the lesson ended with lesson introducing 2 vocalists..

last time i used to really analyse things but as time past i realised tt being so critical, being such a deep thinker can be self-destructing to an extent.. i mean psychologically..mei wasnt wrong when she pointed out tt ytd's class was some sort like a waste of money cos we din learn much, cant hear ourselves as we were drowned in our own voices. part of me agreed with her yet i felt tt the lesson was invaluable!how many peeps out dere can jus walk into the recording room n be backup?okie,this sds defensive n sort of a comforting statement..but seriously, it's true right? it's an experience which laoshi has given to his students. music is bt teamwork, no matter how insignificant it may seem, at least we r part of the making of the song..if everyone thinks like this and only wanna be the center of attraction, the lead singer, the main cast etc etc. then how will the end product be like? imagine kit chan singing with no backups, the effect may not be as magnificant, imagine a serial without supporting cast...ya get wad i mean..haha

gifing tuition in half hr time and its 10am on a sunday morn..:) yet another week is gonna be over soon n me shall treasure this very last week before work starts!busy real busy!

mon: work
tues:work+chilling out with charms n shan at new york new work
wed: work+mandy's chalet(pending)
thurs:work+mtg with daph
fri:work
sat:tuition+ vocal class
sun:milkrun
mon:swim+last minute shopping for working stuff
tues:work

WED!!!!: START WORK AT KPMG OFFICIALLY! 830am...hongleong bldg,raffles place

hmm..so packed no time to slack at home le:(haha

shall nap in the afternn afternn tuition ltr..so nice to be at home on a sunday!

happ(ies) vs unhapp(ies)

2007-06-20T03:08:00.000-07:00

the happies:

1) mei's gg to leave tt horrendous job at ntu, taking over the job at the studentcare center where im working at now:)hopefully it's a better environment
2)yanshan is gg to takeover my slot at this studentcare center as well!yeah, at least uve gt a job pending now ger!haf fun!
3) me's gg to work soon, so mb mum will feel more liberated.less need to nag at us, more freedom to listen to her fav. hokkien tracks
4) celebrated father's day on mon think dad did enjoy the meal:)
5) though pei is rebellious n rude, she's working twds her triple science course..wishing u all the best
6) current lifestyle, work for 2 hrs, nap, watch tv, practise singing, eercising,sleep! gtta lose all these real soon
7) gg out with shan tmr to jalan jalan..look out for a nice watch for work
8) saturday is cming again!
9) clarence, zhenhao and darius r back..hmm..clarence will be bk next week..hopefully can meet up bfore work starts
10) motivated cos ive set myself clear goals..goals tt will steer me fwd and a very important one which ive given myself 10 yrs to achieve..determined and clearheaded im prepared for this battle..its aint gg to be easy but im confident tt i will b dere eventually...so daydreaming isnt bad afterall!so peeps SET UR LIFETIME GOALS now!
11)the little sms exchange:)

the unhappies:
1) physical stress, working twds perfection..can do better
2) recalling the past feelings
3)the same little sms exchange

since the happies are much more than the unhappies so it seems tt mes rather contented with my life:)

mb gg for a gathering at a chalet next wed..org by mandy, my uni fran..quite surprised tt she invited me..hmm..wil decide if me will go eventually depending if huishan is gg:) haha..hey ger!hope ya haf a good hol in bangkok!haha..tell us bt it ya!

din actually feel like co-ordinating the meetup but since daphy isnt ard so ive gtta do it..yah..thanks for asking n noticing..guess no matter how dere will still be 2 empty slots never filled..thankfully dere aint a 3rd..im sorry for taking u for granted..theres no turning back yah it's only fwd no backwards..ya like wad ya say u will always be mummy's brother..i thank you for those times..for being dere when i was low down dere

laoshi was surprised when we told him we werent attached before..haha..still remembered tt me was proud to say 'ling'..his expression was like 'really?'..yah i had to give him reassurance still...lol..no wonder the 'feel' isnt dere..it may not be obvious but after listening to the studio 's recording its obvious lahs..hmm..no wonder dey always say must haf the experience to haf the feel..but isnt it utterly dumb to get into one jus to get the feel which is very much required in singing..in the expression..seriously speaking me wun mind to get the feel laoshi is talking bt..yah..sds bad right cos ive gt an ulterior motive beneath...it isnt fair right?
wadever, as wad ive always believ when it comes it will:)

betterment

2007-06-18T06:44:00.000-07:00

wanna thank laoshi for his comments though i had only gone thru the 3rd lesson of the 24..improved? yah i guess in terms of the breathing, pronuncation..ill work twds perfection...the falsetto control, the feel, the rhythemic sense...alot alot of hard work i must admit..
a good school is one thing a good student is another..guess his relatively flattering comments for the 4 of us were usefful as least i was encouraged and thanks zhenhui-our beloved studio recording assistant! u noticed pur improvement!cool!
feeling better? i dunno cos singing used to be a form of relaxation n weihao (fellow and the only guy amgst the 4 of us) realised too..realised dat its more stressful whenever we are singing now..yah so this is the form of sacrifice tt comes with it,,with kenn laoshi's words ringing i noe ive gt to work hard and i cannot let him down!yes!i cant n i cant let myself down as well..my aim: to improve, to be better, to have fun, to...
there are a lot of things gg on in my mind yet i cant express them in words..enjoying my last 2 weeks before work and trying to arrange meetups with frans..n i realise the days aint enuff..haha
still cant really believe tt lao shi is kenn wu laoshi..so blur tt me only knew it last lesson when we were in his office hafing our warming up lessons...the little cards hung on the board 'told' me so..im proud to be his student and so to not let him know i mus work like a mule! i noe works starting so all the more i mus noe how to balance...juggling exercise, interest n work..the more practical side of me
reading up a bit on horoscope n aries is a born leader n i tink its quite true to an extent..mb its cos of laoshi's influence..fun oso to read stuff lidat..believing?still not to tt extent
guess the desire aint burning as strong cos ive a clear goal for wad im doing so when i see desiree, the malaysian superstar every sat, me wasnt jealous..on the other hand it's admiration n mes inspired to work harder
it's really unbelievable tt me will haf such opportunities to come into contact with such pple in the entertainment scene..yes im rash to have enrolled but me aint regretting..mum mb nagging n aint very approving but she will come to terms with this...i mus show her my improvement

really glad dat me nv let my jap teacher down hafing scored better than expected..arinagtou gozaimasu senseh!

working on my backup song by tanya chua n yes!i believe things can only get better n yah! to be successful to be a winner to be able to reach for wad i desire, optimism is the KEY!

i noe wad i wan i noe if i wan i have to i will n im believing!

may god bless me, my family and all my acquaintances!even YOU who r reading my entries n me dun happen to noe u personally..look ahead n u will be able to do it..remember, have the strength to believe!

convocation

2007-06-13T03:13:00.000-07:00

met up with hs n kj to gt our convo gowns this afternn..cant believe tt it's really fast n furious! okie mums complaining dat me shldnt haf bought the gown..was quite excited to show her but currently my moods totally affected..irritated since she aint interested den ill jus show my dad ltr when hes back..hmm gonna wait for mei to grad den we shall take the photos 2 yrs ltr since ive alr paid for the deposit alr:P

convocation convocation...busy with convocation?sians..tink still have a bit of misc stuff to do before the actual day which is on july the 24th tue..bleah:(

was out with shan on sun n zg saw me crossing the road to isetan...good thing was he said tt mes slimmer!haha..good good!me shall work harder n lose at least 1 kilo more!

spent quite a bit this hols n my pockets r bleeding alr:( gonna recoup them with this month's pay plus the GST rebate package...waiting for next weekend to come, my tuition fees!den it will be shoes n watch for work..

shant continue...damn pissed n agitated cant really conc! urghh!

looking good?

2007-06-07T01:30:00.001-07:00

finally real pissed minutes ago!urghh, woke up frm my afternn nap just to give tuition to the kids n TADA!!got cancelled during the last minute!urghh!okie mb its my fault for misreading the sms this morning!but urghh...so me have to wait for another session bfore me can get my june's pay!
broke!tt explains why i'm working daily, 2hrs at pasir ris..till today, it's the 4th day and im getting used to them and sort of enjoying it?haha..a studentcare centre tucked away at one corner of the flat..quite nice i feel n the centre is well kept:) samantha, the owner, (affectionately being addressed as auntie samantha by the kids) used to be a teacher..a capable woman who can handle them..guess its hard on her as she has to take care of her son jet as well, luckily, her in-laws are rendering her a helping hand..it's real hard to manage career and family esp. when children come into the picture..yah..kudos to auntie samantha:)
the kids? quite a number of adorable ones:) so basically being 9bucks an hr to supervise, mark n explain to them their mistakes..haha..simply put its being a tutor but the setting is in a studentcare centre..hopefully me aint showing favouritism to anyone ya..teachers by right shldnt be doing so, oh well deres always a by LEFT!haha..give them work they do, afterdat they will play. run ard the center etc..typical n i noe..regretting sending the withdrawal letter? guess not yet..me aint regretting but looking fwd n cherishing the coming days at the center with the kids..a p1 boy real cute, puny, but dun play play cos he can speak fluent english, all of them can btw!dat makes communication easier..hes so ultimately adorable i tell u!so this is junyao..next is jonathan, another potential smartie..tink he's p4?hmm..ever so polite n he has to thank me so many times after explaining his mistakes to him..even got teased by auntie samantha for 'bowing' to me...in fact he was looking down searching for the stuff which he had dropped...ya, n this pair of twins..jiaqi n jiahui..so alike hmm..give me more time n ill be able to differentiate them..sadly dere r 2 boys whu tend to be a little weak..the gers r rather well-behaved..so that's good..its nice to be surrounded by these loveable darlings, though it's tiring to have to crawl out of bed at 6 odd just for the 2 hrs, they make my day looking at them play...ever so energetic!those smiles..
finally shans done with her exams today!dats like 6 weeks lah...waited 6 weeks to meet, shop, slack with u YANSHAN!!cant wait for sunday to come..haha..breakfast at cedele?den shop i mean window shop since mes penniless:( craving for cedele's pancake!hopefully can have dat for breakfast on sun!yeah!!haha..okie the desserts r nice but me gtta resist else my slimming gel n stuff will go to waste alr..haha
my levis voucher..hmm..okie mes gg to get my first ever levis this sun!yeah!:)
tmr's fri n yongjie just told me results gonna be out..wah sians..haha..gonna be away at work in the morn shall just see when mes online again n it aint my style to rush to log in to check early in the morn..so depends on my mood bah!haha
the week is coming to an end alr and sat is cming again..kenn is a good teacher, that's the first impression ive got..n yes he's strict indeed..this week class is at aljunied even nearer to our house!good good..wondering how it will be like..the studio will definitely give me the creeps..n im serious so damn quiet..oh well it's an experience not everyone will get to have or interested to have..like what huishan said it's a hobby n so i guess only i will know the pleasure/s of it:) focus has changed so the result aint important cos it's the process which im looking at
btw, thanks hs!thanks for reformatting the lappie for me!yeah it aint gg to be slow animore!haha

hmm..5.12pm n mes sleepy again..yawns haha..always looking forward to nighttime with all the tv programmes packed till 10 n next will be bedtime again!so the day starts afresh at 615am n another week will be gone alr!yups

ORANGE

2007-05-29T21:00:00.000-07:00

im an ORANGE!haha..ya 'orange' as in mes having an orange personality!was browsing through this book on personality this morning. n concluded tt orange is my orange basing on my personality n the next closest colour is green...surprising thot it shld be red followed by orange..

so wad bt an 'orange'?

'oranges' are are sociable, make friends whenever they go, enjoy entertaining, pay attention todetails, extremely sensitive to others' feelings, good listeners, natural councilors, competent, thorough, hardworking, patient, extremely productive, courteous, strong need for personal praise, polite, agreeable, tactful, manage responses well, plan for the future, most concerned with making a good impression, family oriented, peacemaker, devoted, considerate ever-so helpful teamplayer...worriers, aint risk takers, can be dis-courteous when paths cross...

hmm..fun fun..most of the descriptions fit the bill...

yawns..supposed to haf rioja n shiva outing but me aint prepared..gonna meet hs at tcc to slack today!good!! n thanks in advance to u n jeffrey for offering to fix my comp!!thanks...
the weather's humid..sians...okie shall bathe n go prep!

great!mei recommended me a 2hr job at pasir ris...a slack job in a tuition center i guess...oh well frm 9am to 11am...at least can earn a little here n there on top of tuition n hopefully the expo job..den ill hafta gt a replacement for the 5 days:)

its time to slack!

burning desire

2007-05-28T03:54:00.000-07:00

reading alot recently..frm the daily newspapers, be it chinese or straits times to books..storybooks no longer entice me at the moment as mes alr hooked to 'self-help' books..haha..or shld i say books that build self-awareness, confidence..yah started on my third one n this current one is on burning desire...having a burning desire so tt it will help us to fulfill our dreams..halfway thru n i can see tt its pretty helpful!glad tt me found this book:) n me just completed one on imperfections and one on love..nice nice books..cant really rem the details but just the gist n the idea:) quite satisfied with myself...feel like submerging myself in more of them n hiding myself in the library n cafes..easy to pass time..the solitude etc.. dunno y, mes enjoying more n more doing things alone n occupying myself with readings:) haha...hmm...is this a sense of seclusion? needing time to seek a peaceful, n slow down my life..to reflect, to think of my future directions..n yah my desire...

supposed to have lots to blog reg the past few days but the show has just started..yah shall make it really short n sweet for this entry:)

dere aint a need to apologise to me really...it will be good to noe dat u will be okie..i shld be the one to be guilty...u dun owe me an apology..yah 2mths after the issue..on my part its nv a start hence theres no closure, as for u, hopefully its an end. it may not be a perfect end as yet but i do hope u will see your light soon..take care n move on cos this is the only way to lead a better life

trainer

2007-05-24T07:35:00.000-07:00

was occupied these 2 days being a trainer at lianhua pri sch, bukit batok. was allocated a primary 2 class n surprisingly its 2 sapphire..used to be frm the sapphire hse when i was in haig girls' too.

the feeling was weird..been such a long time since ive stepped into a pri sch n everything seems so minature or shld i sae 'low' haha..its nice at least the rest of the hall 3ians r there..guessed its god's plan for me to chance upon this job..rec. by daphne n thru amos me was given this opportunity:) dunno if me shld sae its a great n fulfilling experience..hes dere too n hey peeps dun try too hard lahs..so paiseh:p n yah hes dere to n thanks daphy for tt 'brillant' suggestion huh?haha

felt a little jittery when derek whose supposed to be my co-partner din turn up ytd cos of his sore eyes..hmm..doubted my ability to run the programme all by myself...i mean a bunch of 28 p2s boys n girls running ard, shouting across...oh mans..in the end no 'damage control' could be done thus me faced my doom for the day's activities..haha..tink i managed to gt things gg esp when amos told me tt me did better doing it alone compared to some other guys..haha..apparently they were trained..yeah! so mes not too bad with them afterall! the teachers? forget it? tok bt them?they jus simply sat dere for a while n left the class..hmm..looking on the brighter side of things dats call freedom in running the class? hmm..guess so at least i felt tt mes in control!haha..yes i was in contrl..after recess, it was a little more relaxed with the form teacher-mr. tan helping me with the disciplining of the class..haha..had a short chat with him n thot hes a rather nice guy..n hey hes ard our age lorhs..so it was real easy to strike a conversation..aha..or issit me? too kaypoh alr..

today? gd thing tt amos gt his fran to help..shes a babe frm nus...thot shes yger than me but!she aint infact shes a yr older..so sweet looking..haha...hmm..p2s mus be so proud to haf 2 pretty trainers!haha...okok!u can start throwing oranges at me!haha...so 'the' mr.tan came in early today...thot he will only cm in after recess again..mb he took pity on me n wanted to render some help assuming tt me will be alone again..thanks for ur help ya!haha..n so the three of us carried out the games..n hes really good with the game 'blow wind blow' haha...n yah i lost sweets to u in the bet..but aint fair!cos u r more experienced than me!haha..quite fun toking to u..at least someone frm a diff profession! wish u all the best in ur career, in nie etc..hopefully u wun hafta use ur military style on the boys again..so poor thing..n its scary to see u raise ya voice..fear?yah i agree mus exist but...hmm..mb tts y me cnt be a good teacher..so thanks /mr tan' since u din wanna tell us ur name!unfair no.2: u noe im joleen but i dunno ur name! unfair!

quite excited cos next wed gg to meet hs n can slack at tcc! den thurs to zhiyus place to bake cookies!!yeah!this sat n sun? gg for a workshop reg savings investments etc. in smu..hmm..since dun really haf a lot of things to do so jus go n listen lors..joelles so funny..haha..everyones trying so hard to do some matchmaking these days..hmm..like i always sae if i has to come it will come..no nid to do so much n try so hard..anw thanks to my frans n let everything jus flow on its own!so its gg to be some real learning n eye opening lessons this weekend!

yeah!career girl!

2007-05-24T07:32:00.000-07:00

You are a Career Girl!
You may not be a CEO yet, but you're well on your way to success.You take your career seriously, and you wouldn't stop working for any guy!An independent woman, you pay for your own car, clothes, and housing.And men appreciate that - at least, the ones as driven as you are.

hmm..this the result of a test which i took...gt the link frm zhiyu's bloggie!

n i tink its really quite true yeah? so im gg to be a career woman n do see myself at the CEO level?haha

talents, elites, scholars, meritocracy

2007-05-21T19:17:00.000-07:00

spent 2 hrs to complete the day's newspaper reading session..yah n im ovewhelmed by articles after articles covering issues relating to the above. not only does singapore face the problem of talent shortage, other developed countries such as HK n developing ones such as China r facing similar problem as well..den there are articles in the forums reflecting on elitism. Y? in response to the articles published last week after a survey conducted by ST on the contituents of an elitists etc.
tell me how not to be worried if ya arent one of the top notch performers? yes!life hasnt been so stressful compared to the less developed years..how not to fret when u aint considered a talent? wad comprises a 'talent'? one with good grades?obviously dats part n parcel of the criteria..den scholar?all these classifications will only add more to stress, children being more competitive, selfish?scheming?i dunno...im refusing to think of wad the future will be like? 'stay competitive', 'work on the education system', ' welcoming foreign talent', ' embracing the singapore's system'. Yes i agree tt we haf n r gg to excel in this area to be a successful nation. n im one of them who has been brought up in this system where meritocracy is key. born in an ave. income family, humble background with parents drawing ave. salary, life can be classified as satisfactory..at least ive gt a chance to enjoy singapore's world class education.together with my sis we finally made it and i truly believe tt my ygest sis will make her mark as well..mb not in our fields but her own where her interests lie.
my parents are taking pride in us n we can really sense it. daddy is already making plans to apply for leave on july 24th, convocation day n the phototaking session.everyone is excited to see me in my gown.finally after so many years of investment, they are gg to see their ROI(return of investment) real soon..mummy? shes planning to shop for new clothes for the shoot..haha..once in a lifetime..
i aint a talent, a scholar not even considering myself as an elite..jus another soul propelled n drifted in this system which meritocracy ruled. can sense the ellitism growing in me..wondering when it began to set itself on me..were making a joke out of it over dinner at celede dat day..bt us mixing with victorians...haha..(referring to our council gang..) not true ive gt close frans in uni whu aint frm vj as well...so its nt a vj thing afterall
i cant blame the system neither can i blame the society..its the influence, its me whu has allowed myself to succumb to such influence..yes its the thinking tt ive developed..shunning visits to hawker centers unless im buying PACKED meals for my family else u wun find me appearing any where near one..food court still can take it at least i dun find old men drinkin n smoking in them..pollute my air..hating the sight of them..lazing around looking here n dere when peeps walk pass..cant dey go find sthg to do? n dun tok bt geylang i tell u!angry even more disgusted!
yes mum reminded me dat i grow up in neighbourhood when i commented tt i dun welcome the idea of gg shopping st toa payoh hub ang mo kio hub etc..yes all these wadever wadever hub dun entice me..though i used to frequent them when i was yger after paying visits to granny's place..okie mum saes im looking down on these places n im definitely not afraid to say tt yah to a certain extent. she told me tt i can gt cheaper wrking clothes frm dunno where..but i dun seem to care..i mean considering the transport n stuff...forget it..oh well its the brand conscious me again..tink i went overboard ytd..mums always doubting my ability. mb shes true..was trying to explain to her the rationale of aim high hit high or even higher...guess shes more or less accepting it. so we shall wait n see
toking bt being exclusive..yes i certainly wan tt!yearn for it i can tell u! its the selfish nature 'nurtured' by this good system of ours?once everything seems 'so affordable' we will want more things to be exclusive? toking bt gym memberships, country club menberships, krisflyer memberships..all the diff types of memberships? tell me more man!n i surely want to be one of those in these categories! was at the publi pool ytd..firstly, it's dirty, next hafta 'share' space with the rest of the users, cant have the freedom to continue swimming my laps as the kids r ard..hafta 'be gracious' n stop several times when another swimmer approaches 'my' lane..i simply cant stand these 'hafta, gotta...' pissed is wad i blurted out to mei. n i mus sae tt im irritated with the word 'share'. the noise level from the kids,though i mus sae dey aint really tt noisy, was unacceptable frm my point of view..toking bt kids?children?forget it..tgt with the stress of bringing them up frm infants, putting them thru this stressful system n competitiveness in life is cfm not wad i wan.tink dey will be driven to death with my elitist mentality..n we wun forego the corporate level to start a family in the near future, i assure
so educating women? yah its good cfmed!independence in us n u shall see ur population figuring dropping further n very soon u will see us welcoming the most talked after day--doomsday!

chatterboxes

2007-05-20T08:56:00.000-07:00

yah mus really agree tt gers can really chat!haha
me von n lin met up today for an early dinner at cedele wheelock. lin rec. us the pancakes!cool superb!the apple n cinnamon with maple syrup n sausages were really of standard!!yum yum! n so us the trio ate chatted gossipped etc etc. i really enjoy such mtgs with frans..its really a luxury to see them!!yes!im happy:)

with us studying different fields, its really enriching to noe bt them..yah our dearest weilin is an architecture student n so with the 2 of us-accountant by training, its indeed an 'enlightening' session! some details bt archi, the way the profession works, some principles etc..n im very impressed by the stories lin told us bt singapore's past, the politics the govt. the school..gd knowledge. at least it made me see things from a different light. n so we delved into pay, promotion opportunities..endless!

we all realise tt the stuff which we talked bt during meetups are very different from what we used to cover..its all bt the jobs, job prospect etc. me realised tt topics differ when im with different frans...with daph, it will be bt boys, jobs..with von n lin no rships involved..tt goes with shan too..think i can sense the gap bet. us n our guy frans..a bit weird..mb dey aint at the same phase in life as us?so we toked bt diff things n haf differing interests?or issit jus purely communication gaps?haha..mei was complaining dat her guy frans frm jc r childish after attending her fran's 21st bdae. mb? as for me its bt accomodating i guess

was discussing bt relying on connections. yah, we can be angry bt it but we cant help it right?whu wun wanna leverage on such opportunities if dey haf a chance? sometimes lifes bt relying on such. 70% hard wrk 30% connections..so lifes unfair? yes i mus say it is! so we can complain till the cows come home, this will exist no matter what..whu noes we wun be the one dependent on it in the future?

yeah! 1st july is set to be joining a 4km run with von's religion stuff...aint sure bt the details..haha..nvm lahs..me shall jus whack!gt to exercise, so y not!

tmr shall go swim in the afternn to kill some time:P

WELCOME to my dream!

2007-05-19T07:37:00.001-07:00

wanted to blog many days ago but simply just cant gain access to the previous address due administrator shifting to google..yah n as an IT idiot me just gave up trying to revive it..aha
thanks pei for helping me search for this new n nice skin! thanks...

so here goes the current updates!

next week will be involved in a two day facilitation course in a primary school at bukit batok..its a lobang frm daphy..thanks ger!not bad 2 days for 100 bucks..on the other side so far..good thing is tt its only a 3hrs job but plus the misc. stuff ard 5 hrs i suppose..went for the briefing at yishun this afternoon..okie at least mes occupied on wed n thurs!yeah!

next job? 13th, 16th, 19th- 22nd june: communicasia n broadcastasia exhibition..signed up with kelly services 2 yrs ago..hopefully the ger fwded my name to mario...shld haf lah huh?hmm..hopefully can wrk with hs n ys oso!6days ard 300?okie..not too bad at least no cpf:)

meanwhile still on the lookout for short term job stinct in bet.lyk a few days kind of stuff..:)

currently, on a 'mission' to set up a bix...details?hmm...shall let u peeps noe when the time is ripe?haha..yah..so do look out n support hors?haha

singing class at tinybox will be starting in a week or two..whee! mum doesnt noe bt it..shall keep it frm her for the time being..sometimes dun nid to be too frank i realise else its gonna b a hell lot of naggings:( so excited..haha..ytd's audition was definitely cool! the systems dey haf n stuff..me n mei agreed tt the recording studio was damn fascinating.never in my dreams have i thot tt i will gt a chance to step into one.n i tell u tt its so impressive can?okie mes a mountain turtle...but thanks keith for letting us through the audition n learn the proper techniques...okie...n thanks for ur comments n me will wrk towards them...haha..i din noe i sd angmoh when i sing..yah n i will try not to sd so angmoh:( haha..im a new self again! recharged..dunno y my performing instinct is cfm back!

thurs went for isetan's private sake with daph..thanks daph for inviting along!haha..first time gg for such a sale n i tink our super hall senior joelle enjoyed it too!great!with the vouchers me gt as my bdae pres frm hs kj iriss mel n joey me gt myself a nice picard handbag for work..damn proud of it!yeah!!i like! joelle's a nice senior, we cfm wanna be like her..earn so much n work into coach, LV etc carry coach LV..wear expensive stuff...etc etc..no sweat sia!so heading n building a luxurious life!haha..thanks for ur coffee treat n nice toking to u n learning more bt the investment n savings' plans!

it's true tt my focus isnt on rship..so obvious ma?haha..joelle pointed out tt day..okie"0 n she told us tt weve gtta make use of wad we haf so tt it will be to our advantage to succeed in this competitive bix wrld..hafta noe hw to couple beauty with brains..hmm..yah scheming but its a dog eat dog wrld she reminded us..true to an extent but...i oso dunno..haha..n thanks for the offer to wanna intro guys to me..its okie ger..haha...not so despo yet:)

surprised tt me survived the mrt ride back with derrick today frm yishun..derricks frm vj..my batch. surprised cos ive never in my life toked to him before! cos we aint classmate just schoolmate n i tink his clique just hate me for what happened in jc..oh well apparently, after NS dey had matured a lot?mb they had learnt frm their mistakes?i dunno but m glad tt me managed to hold a conversation with derrick n leonard some time ago..tink there's sthg bt vs n vj guys..dey just seem so vocal, approachable..forthcoming? or mb its a bix student's thing?able to strike a conversation easily? anw, it was quite a relaxed conversation with a 'stranger' turned acquaintance..hmm..good good!

keith?as the assistant director of the artiste academy..he has got the air..very young but he drinks n smokes..very obvious frm the smell in his little work room..wah hes best..can slack while wrk?haha...mei noticed not me..but hes cfm zai...arty-farty kind..im impressed with his music knowledge..hes cfm good..the way he pointed out my mistakes n stuff..yes i mentioned dat mes easily impressed with such peeps..oh well..mei reminded me of the ring..haha

next week's wrk?dunno he's gg oso..canvassing?daph mentioned tt he will be dere as well..hmm..it will be a little weird to pair us tgt to handle a class jus like being gl..see how la huh? see hws amos' arrangement lorhs..its paid work so gotta concentrate on working..pengs..daph ahs..u n ur funny suggestion..haha

todays the 19th..tmr's mtg weilin von n mb emma..long time nv see u peeps alr..gg cedele for pancakes!yeah..i luf pancakes:)
3 more weeks?shan will be done!jiayou!

cant work for the mary chia's session on fri!

so when i weave my dreams will eventually come true

i love my life now yes i cfm dat i am

(*darius, zh n clarence!when r u all cming bk ahs?make us wait for so long!haha!)