My Colourful World-;

Saturday, September 29, 2007

dun actually noe how to describe..its nice but tink it aint gg to last for long
pessimistic?yes i am..esp. ytd.
it's fun on wed..guess things will go well with the right company right food right actvity..time flies and good things wun last for long..i treasure those hours and im thankful for them:)
allowing myself to fall in noeing i cant..it's a fantasy n i noe..the help the thoughts..things seem to better?
din exactly feel like gg down but went in the end..just the 5 of us at boat quay..luckily aint dere early else wld be intoxicated with much more alcohol:( in all they drowned 8 jugs of beer!me? 3 cups of beer cos of being so unfortunate to haf lost in 3 rds of poker games and my fav.- 2 vodka orange:) so afterdat? exhaustion n dehydration and headache..urghh..sorethroat so gonna gif my lesson a miss ltr:( diarrhoea as well..bleah..thanks for sending me home:)
leaving to the almighty to decide..jus gonna take it as it comes..no point harping on anything n hoping for anything..its easy to say but not easy to be done but i will try
inferiority may be one, disappointment another..friendship the third..at this instance, its best to follow the flow..let things be and enjoy the moment/s if there is/are
this may end and the time may stop..when the clock strikes 12 and all the beautiful things come to an end, everything will return to wad its like..fantasy will end, dream will end and wad surfaces will be a heart meant to be mend
aware of the outcome yet choosing to move ahead..an idiot?ya i guess that's the best adjective i can find now

2:34 AM

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

they are so alike...so alike dat i cant take it..y? is this a trick on me? y issit dat when ive chosen to let go..to put em behind..they will be back to haunt me in someway?
hating the feeling and it aint bearable..
better?yah its definitely better...but y?
stay clear?i suppose i have to..its not a choice..its a rule
if not, when time pass, its gonna be doomed..
sinking in?no way..long period of hurt, struggle just cos of this n fall back
aint as strg as i thot..yah me aint
i wonder the outcome, the development
writing my story..my own own story..my life, my own own life

dun wish o break down..no i cant..cant wait to be at the beach now!near the sea or even esplanade is good..
when all is well something mus happen..when it happens i can only see myself dissolve..dissolve n become one whom i cant even recog

7:12 AM

Saturday, September 22, 2007

this week past quite easily..cos im on a new job..thot jiali will be joining at least next week but since the senior incharge decided tt he can handle it so she wun be joinin us..hmmm, okie so dat means its only me and 3 more guys
as the only ger, there are pros and cons...cons: u can tease n tease and more teasng or shld i say suan!okie but pros? u get treated like a ger...yah or mb like a queen?haha..gotten thank the guys for entertaining me..hmm, this means tt ive gtten work properly for this job so wun be letting jem down..yah
gonna do wad ive gtta do tmr..yes n i shall c hows the results before i take my next step

went swimming this morn n decided tt ive to be frank n be brave...be trueful to myself on wad i really and my future..office?no..comp?no...so its quite obvious at least to myself..cant just let my life wander and my eyesight fail...so well, im lucky to haf flipped the classified..n yah..so shall go ahead..god bless:)

todays lessons quite slack:) laoshis quite encouraging...so i shall really work on it:) gtta jiayou..he noes our progress he said..n im believing:) next weekend is gonna be busy n fun cos of elaine's wedding reception on sat n dinner on sun..n yes!!can dress prettily!:) so its gg to be good!

retail therapy every mth! bot a new pair of wrking heels for work..a pair of cream coloured heels for pei but im gg to wear it after she has worn it..bot a long top cum dress for mei for the wedding dinner...so spent quite a bit:P oopps!

great dat tmrs sun n we r gg to jog again!yeah!target?1.5hrs non-stop for tmr!n yeah after dat me n zhiyu will be gg for ktv n after dat me shall go walk ard before heading for my facial tmr:) gonna relax...hmm..shall settle the app. n goal settng tmr night..

was bt to tell mei but i din, jus simply said tt im dead n mei actually guessed correctly..hit the jackpot..i dunnoe guess its jus the feeling..its weird..letting things be n hopefully this will pass fast..oh well, leaving to fate

8:30 AM

Friday, September 14, 2007

it's been quite some time since i last blogged..yah..din feel like it though ive very much to say..why?simply cos ive been staring too much at this machine..so sick of looking at the screen..yes..more than 8 hrs..simply detesting

resign?resigning to fate?resign to work?wad bt jus simply the work resign?how bt tender?hearing these 2 words too often.ya, not only pertains to this company this unit. guess when the economy is doing well and w the not so strg culture of the co. i shld say yes, pls go and find a better place..tink it aint fair to comment bt the co. since i haven been dere for long..cos there are peeps ard whu were and are still with the firm till now..so it depends..

'how do u find the job?u like it?' always realise tt my answers were jus 'ok lorhs, cant say hate or love' and ya till now ill always mention tt its cos im still new...sighh..i dun like to sighh..but i believe tt im doing it so often tt ive come to be aware of it..this is bad

mb it's depression..i dunno..i dunno ..mb it's in my nature to complain and complain..mb my understanding my standards for myself are too unrealistic...but im quite sure...mb not so certain afterall, tt i wun be surviving in this for long..wads next?bank?its the same lahs..computers also...i dun like.this is definitely the reason y i once chose to teach..oh well ive withdrawn frm the offer..blame it on whu? myself? yah myself is to be blamed..

sounding like i know wad i wan..or wad i dun wan..yes i mus admit im a hermit..always choosing the safer route..i noe i dun like numbers.. dun like accounting...dun like auditing..and then? i chose accountancy cos its a 'safe' course...so graduated with hons..so wad? m i gg to let myself be stuck in this? i have no choice?or do i haf one? take a leap? theres always family...mei n ma say im crazy to be tinking of quitting jus after 3 mths...yah i mus be crazy..send me to the mental hospital!for once i wish tt im a retard..wish dat im not born into this world..i simply dun like it..im regretting tt ive complained alot bt school now? its bt work..

eyes lit up when i saw the news in the papers today reporting on CAAS tinking of introducing something call the 'shpping advisor' sds fun, sds like the kind of PR jobs which i may like..no details given but my mind has been wandering since just now..imagining myself bringing tourists ard..hey!not just any tourist..i should believe dey r the big earners, big spenders...airport's stuff aint cheap..yah..vast product knowledge is a must..n i know...yah seems like i noe alot but i dunno

dun like to be arrowed..mb its not tt ive been arrowed...yah im choosing to believe and trying to rationalise tt wad im doing will be good for me...will be good ocs om learning...yah its true but i simply hate it when ive to work beyond 6pm..waking up at 6am..wrking frm 9am to 12 odd...start again at 1 plus den till 6..dats like a darn lot of hours! sheesh...my eyes cant take it my brain cant tk it..next? u either go home n rest?no!not rest to continue wrking as for me i will wrk up at 4am and wrk...WTH! n? i cant claim OT hrs when i wrok late..not recognised..den wads the point?work to death n no one knows? okie dey will noe cos when u submit ur letter they noe dat u cant tk it anymore...it's like this in every company big or small..im choosing to complain cos i tink this is not the kind of life i wanna lead in the long run...den how long is long? i dunno...

confused...not exactly self fulfilling..not satisfied with wad im doing now..i dun like the idea of hafing to report to pple..dun like the idea of being at the mercy of managers..sunno hw long more i can bear...dun like the idea of hearing how terrifying this or tt mgr is..pls lahs..fold paper oso mus use ruler? dun waste my time lors...yah i noe the need for good quality working papers but y not i print i file i ref n u fold lahs...n y not u try doing the ground level job and see how tough it is..and pls wake up ur idea of wanting to torture the lower level peeps by asking them to change and change...okie haf to admit its inevotable if things go wrg...or not so well so changes are necessary..if i were to be able to make it to the mgmt. i have to remind myself tt i cant be lidis..

higher mgmt?...come on lahs...if not for us...u will haf no files to review...some jus simply bt the simple EQ...glad tt at least 2 mgrs bother to say 'hi' when dey see us..the rest?either stares at u like uve committed a crime(even when u noe u din) or pretend to walk past without seeing u...so this is call higher mgmt? guess im too picky...fantasizes tt this wrld is gg to be a perfect wrld..applying my own std to everything...no i shld b like this..cos thers really too much to be changed n they wun changed jus cos im wishing for it.

goint back to the topic of being perfect..was reading the papers a few days back..short article reflecting tt gers esp those well educated, with high paying jobs are more susceptible to having anorexia/bulimia etc...cos? they pursue a perfect life...wanting a perfect career, a good education, wanting the best look..etc...i agree tt i belong to this category of gers..jus a little imperfection pisses me off..agitates me..report says even when it comes to rship its the same n ive gt to really agree..sighh..so its not me only...i m not alone..

yah commented tt one of the pageant gers is not pretty enuff though she has a good bod and it will be good if she has the face of another contestant and she will be perfect...will always rem daph's reply..'n one's perfect' and yah it struck me deep yes..tink it will be a lasting comment which i will rem cos i noe im not perfect as well..i noe im not perfect tt's y im trying to perfect it..but i noe i wun be..

feel like breaking down n haf a good good cry..stress?depression?mb it's jus PMS...

glad tt ive hj with me in the co. thanks ger! i understd how u r feeling but hopefully things will turn out better for u...its tough esp. wrking for such a person..jiayou and try ya best..jus realise tt ive to handle her on my next job too..oh man..nvm...see how i will die..no i will not die..i musnt die too horribly else ill be letting myself down..

spending spree?this is nota good sign..bot another wallet and top but they were on sale...yah its CHOMEL...sale mah.tts wad i always sae when i buy stuff..realise its to vent off the stress level..i dunno...oh well mus admit tt i dun realli nid a new wallet...but its on sale...wanna buy another pair of shoes..hmm...mb this is a necessity..

there's a zouk outg to 'celebrate' a senior's resignation? not in the mood to drink today so din go...into drinking?no lahs..jus feel more relax with a glass of wine..dats nice..yummy magarita..hmm...no beer..but vodkas good:) rums great as well...drunkard?dun wish to but when stress keeps waving at u u jus simply wanna sae 'off to hell u go!'

sighh...okie slping time..a HEALTHY ALTERNATIVe to relieve stress, unhappiness, depression, exhaustion...yah guess its the last which im experiencing...

if life has to be led in this way...y not just kill me and dun let me live

8:04 AM